A Portrait

Maybe if she spoke a little more,

i would know who she is.
But she stands uncomfortably,

with jutting bones,

and leftover hair,

stealing words that are not hers.
Mayber if she looked at me,

i would know what she was thinking.
But her eyes are locked shut,

and unkind,

sunken into her head.

Reviews

[Millionth Muse]

Very interesting piece indeed...I like the "portrait" aspect of this, and I'm left wondering by your little initial description about "self portrait" whether or not this was meant to be you looking at yourself or at someone else--that's my only suggestion for the piece: As it stands now, it's like we're looking at someone else if you take away that little description, otherwise add a line in the piece that suggests you're looking at yourself.

I love the idea of "leftover hair", you paint an incredibly vivid picture with your words. Nicely done.