Love, tomorrow

I breathe for love
But hope is something I'm short of

Those that I fall for, are cold as ice
Their game is always more than precise

All I've ever known is pain
I don't say this in disdain

I treat you as I would like to be treated
But in the end, I'm always cheated

I'm done trying
Because I'm sick of the lying

There's no hope for today
But the sky isn't always grey

I'm always shooting for the stars
Even though that's like asking to live on Mars

Written on August 14th, 2011  *(8-14-11)*

Reviews

[nostal]

I felt the concept was good, although it got a little bit sketchy with the rhymes, and i just wish you'd found another way to compare than the cliche: cold as ice.

[Lily Mae]

"I treat you as I would like to be treated
But in the end, I'm always cheated"

This is powerful and says so much.. great write...x

[Valette]

I like this. The two-line stanzas flowed really well, and kept a nice rhythem and rhyme going through the whole piece.
The only one that seemed a bit off was the final line. It felt like a tounge-tripper; just a little too long to fit. Perhaps cutting it to "Even though it's like living on Mars" might flow a little better.

[Tasha]

I loooved this! I agree with James, this was amazing!! Wonderful and straight from the heart.
♥ Ta'Shandra

[Time.]

Soooo I love this one, I don't really have much to say except the fact that it was really good. Nice write erin.