Broken

Look for the girl with the broken smile
She'll walk with you for miles

She's no longer a child
She's gone wild

She can't be happy
Everything's so crappy

I've been used
I've been abused

I'm waiting for a sign
So I can cross the yellow line

My eyes tell my story
It gets kind of gory

I'm ready for something to change
I guess I'm too far out of range

Written on August 5th, 2011 *(8-5-11)*

Reviews

[David Michael]

Meh, honestly not one of my favorites. I agree with Ta'Shandra - the rhymes themselves don't seem forced. But I think I've figured out why sometimes I think I don't like your rhymes. I think the lines themselves that are used to create the rhymes seem forced. Which is also what contributes to my issues with your flow sometimes. It seems like in order to have that nice rhyme, you find a phrase that gives it, even if the phrase doesn't flow well or isn't constructed well. Just some thoughts. You don't have to change anything you write, but I think it'll make the expressions of your heart all the better!

[Time.]

I really like this part, "I'm ready for something to change I guess I'm to far out of range" It really hits home with me personally, I loved this piece of writing!

[nothingnothingforgetfor..]

Visible that this piece has a powerful emotional link to you well expressed and well shared. All the best Erin.

[Lily Mae]

You've penned your emotions very well with this... excellent write..x

[Tasha]

Wow, this was amazing I liked that it rhymed also. When I rhyme it seems forced and yours doesn't. Its truly beautiful.
♥ Ta'Shandra