Bright eyes

Bright eyes

A Poem by ErinLovesYou<3
"

For you, boo c:

"
You've got deep brown eyes
That make you seem wise
I think it might be a disguise

You've got the sweetest smile
It goes on for miles
And makes everything worth while

When you hold my hand
Its no longer bland
I think my hearts trying to expand

I'm might be a little confused
And a little abused
I don't want my heart to be misused

But you make me happy
I'm sorry if this is all too sappy
And I like you I do
Because honey you don't make me feel blue
And I never want to say adieu

Written on May 29, 2011 *(5-29-11)*

© 2011 ErinLovesYou<3


Author's Note

ErinLovesYou<3
For someone special<3

My Review

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Featured Review

I think we can all agree to this, that we know someone that has a good game plan but, you've still got to protect your heart with them, and I think you really showed that in this one, I loved the way you brought in the brown eyes, Seeing as though eyes are the most important thing to youu. Shaaamazinnn erinnn. :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

haha. So before reading this for some reason I glanced over at your About Me, which I had read when I first looked at your profile but I read again. And I think seeing the line about music being your passion influenced my reading. Because I totally hear a melody and chords with this. I can almost see you sitting on the edge of your bed holding your guitar, strumming at a chord here and there and singing this :)

It's not deep as poetry goes, no mystery like in "Mutable Sacrifice", but it's simple and sweet, very much a happy song.

I was going to say that the flow of the last stanza wasn't working for me, but after hearing it as a chorus to the song, I realized a different flow from the rest could totally work.

However, I do think the first line of the fourth stanza should be tweaked. Either "I'm a little confused" or "Might be a little confused". It's just slightly to unwieldy as is.

As a whole, very enjoyable! Thanks for the fun tune in my head :D

Posted 13 Years Ago


very cute piece =)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

My My!
You got the touch.
Write on young lady,
you will prosper much.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think we can all agree to this, that we know someone that has a good game plan but, you've still got to protect your heart with them, and I think you really showed that in this one, I loved the way you brought in the brown eyes, Seeing as though eyes are the most important thing to youu. Shaaamazinnn erinnn. :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love you boo

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 30, 2011
Last Updated on June 2, 2011

Author

ErinLovesYou<3
ErinLovesYou<3

Norwich, CT



About
I'm Erin. ~I'm in the works of learning guitar ~Music is my passion ~I'm as caring as possible ~I'm who I am ~I'm still learning Please- ~Read my writings ~Don't make rude comments about.. more..

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