Wishing; Pretty

They say I was the sun ray, the glow within the gloom,
But I don’t wear the halo, oh you know it’s only you,
Trap me into thinking that I had all the control,
You knew that I was nothing without your f*****g soul.

I can’t get it out, your laughter ringing in my ear,
It sends me spiraling downward while I’m still right here,
I never liked the cold, the way it makes me freeze,
It deserves to eat my skin and leave nothing else of me.

There are a thousand secrets, in the blanket of the sky,
Each and every one it hurts, each and every mine,
I have to empty out the night and swallow all the lights,
You don’t know how much it weighs, filled with every lie.

I used to feel so whole and true, I used to feel so tall,
Even if I had to take the fall, I knew I had it all,
In the backseat where it started, still didn’t have my way,
But this time I am by myself,  just a car crash away.

I want to take you with me to the bottomless below,
Take you where you put me and put an end to it all,
Maybe I'll return, a butterfly no different from the rest,
Maybe I’ll be beautiful, maybe I’ll be the best.

I cannot stand to feel the miles, the ghost within your smile,
The ocean in your eyes and how they make me want to die,
How can you stand to look at me and never really see?
That all the things you hated are slightly bleeding into me.

Author's Note

old piece

Reviews

[zainul]

Lovely work.
Love these lines most:
"Maybe I'll return, a butterfly no different from the rest,
Maybe I’ll be beautiful, maybe I’ll be the best."

Could you find an alternative word for 'f*****g' ?

[popourii]

You know I wrote this poem like seven years ago and I had a pretty filthy mouth.
Now I don't curse at all and my current writing reflects that.
If i were to go back and change it, I'd probably use the word 'lying'. I think the word 'f*****g' expresses the anger I felt then but the word 'lying' better describes how I saw that other person and I think it speaks more for itself in that way.

It feels really wrong for me though to go back and change it despite knowing that I could make it a better piece just because it was written when I was such a different person. Could you understand?

[zainul]

I understand your point.
I love your logic too.
You are quite intelligent and I leave the matter to decide.
Best luck.:)

[Everett DeValle]

Deeply written from your heart and soul...beautiful expression.

[popourii]

Thank you, you're very kind.

[Everett DeValle]

You are very welcome.

~Ev