Prelude

Aurora watched him as he surfed the waves, his sleek brown hair wet with the ocean's salty water, and his hazel eyes glowing with excitement as the wave took him higher. She smiled at his contentedness with the sea, her smile lighting up her whole face.

From her little alcove hidden by the rocks, she saw him ride up to shore, laughing as he kissed a blonde haired girl on the cheek. She giggled and squirmed but obviously enjoyed the attention. People walked by them, whistling at the cute couple.

She swished her tail, longingly; wishing she could meet them. They seemed so happy... It was a sad thing that they wouldn't last. Aurora could see that, their gazes only held lust with no love whatsoever. She pushed her hair away from her eyes, brushing her Reef, which was starting to droop because of lack of water.

Aurora sighed, not wanting to go back just yet. Maybe she could go and get her Crura charm. Then she could walk around, make people's lives turn around for the better, like she used to.

But she was afraid. The bright red flames that happened years ago where still branded in her mind. The smell of burning flesh -of fish, literally, being grilled to a crisp. That was years ago, this was now, though.

She dove back under, determined. Her midnight black tail, the whisps that clung to her scales streamed behind her until they turned opaque. After a while, she reached her small cave where she stored all her charms. Aurora grabbed a small black stone that was strung on a chain. It wasn't anything pretty but the power behind it brought luck and that's what she needed, even thought it was graced by Poseidon himself. That was the real magic behind it.

Now she went back towards the surface, ready to make people's lives a little better.

Reviews

[Phil Smith]

Aww, she's a nice mermaid :)
I quite liked this, and enjoyed the quaint narrative to it. Aurora seems a very pure and heart-warming character so far.

I did have just a few small nit-picks I wanted to share though. Firstly, there was a slight grammar issue when you said 'where' instead of 'were' just before 'still branded in her mind'.

And, near the bottom, you use 'thought' instead of 'though'. Both of these mistakes are very easy to make, and I do it all the time. It can just be a slight finger habit on the keyboard :)

I think your sentence that read 'That was years ago, this was now, though.' might have more impact if you say 'But that was years ago. This is now.' - It's just a suggestion; a fronted conjunction (But/And) tends to add impact and emphasis to a sentence.

Overall, great work. I enjoyed it, and although I need to get to bed soon, I will try and review something else before the night is up :)
Let me know if you have any questions.

[Marcus Parks]

i would rather wait until i''ve reached the end of the chapters before posting my thoughts, because what I think now may be revealed in future selections. I will say that the start is very good and the style is very clean so far. I agree with someone's comment that the style is very quiet or timid. But in a good way. I think there could stand to be a little more detail about the man who's doing some surfing. There could also stand to be just a tiny bit of background as to why Aurora is there or why she has this pureness of heart motive. The latter thing, I'm sure, will be explained later on, but going in a little deeper into her head might be interesting.

[lilynait]

Hey. A mermaid story! I have a mermaid-ish story too, if you want to check it out.

Nice start, I like the Crura charm. I know Crus meant leg so that's a good reference you've got there.

This sentence started out a bit ambiguous 'She giggled and squirmed but obviously enjoyed the attention.' At first I thought the 'she' was Aurora. Maybe if you tack it onto the previous sentence '...laughing as he kissed a blonde haired girl on the cheek, who giggled and squirmed..' But that's nitpicking.

Not too sure about Aurora being able to tell true love from lust. Is it a power all mermaids have or was it a descriptive technique? Sure thing, if it's a power, but if not, maybe you an have them act out something that conveys more 'lust' than love?

Also, Aurora sounds like she's in a little lust after your male character as well. Will be reading more to find out! =]

[Joan*Eckhart]

I like this. It was well written and leaf the reader feeling intrigued.

[Daydreamer54]

Interesting beginning. Reminds me a but of the little mermaid but I loil forward to reading more