the new vampires

this is about new vampires

Chapter1-New

      ''How is Ivana?'' asked Bella.''She is okay,'' Edward said.I was her best friend.She bit me because of Rachel,me and Brian's baby girl.Brian was a vampire for only a year now.He was Edward's best friend.My heart was on fire.But then the fire stopped.I guess I was a vampire now.I got up and walked toward the stairs.''Ivana what are you doing?'' Brian asked me.''I'm going to see Rachel,''I said.''You can't.She has flowing blood.You might kill her!'' Edward shouted.Why would I kill my own daughter?''Because you are thirsty!''.''Ivana I can take you hunting,''Alice surrgested.''No all take her!She is my actual her sister!''Naomi hissed.It was true she is my sister.Before she was a vampire we were sister by blood.Our mother and father was killed by a car aciddent.''Naomi you can take her.''Carlisle said carefully.She had anger issuse since mom and dad died.''You got that right Ivana!''Edward chuckled loudly.Naomi pulled my arm untill we were upstairs in Rosalie's room. She opened the window.I guess we were about to hunt.

 

Reviews

[shareeg]

Okay uhm, the plot may actually be pretty good, although its hiding within the story. This is not layed out properly, there is no start that gives you that story feel. Wheres the narration? It feels to close and bunched up.


This needs some tlc but with that this may have some potential.