THREE LITTLE BOYS

There was this mother named Martha who gave birth to three little boys. Named Carter Tobby and John.Carter and John are mean to Tobby becuase he is diffrent. Tobby is always quite and John and Carter are loud, popular and atheltic. "Haha Tobby your weird you need a life." They chanetd Tobby stood there and took the pain. The next morning he formed a weird red rash that looked like scales. "Oh dear." His mother said. "I am taking you to the hospital." Then Tobbys mom took him to the hospital. "He is fine it will clear up."  The doctor stated. So then Tobbys mom took him home. John and carter started to make fun of him when there mom left." HAHA YOUR SUCH A CREEP! "EWWW WHATS THAT ON YOUR ARM! They continued to make fun of him. The next day Tobby formed red eyes. "Crash." OH MY GOODNESS!" The mother shouted. Then she immedetly grabbed Tobby and took him to the doctor."He fine his eyes are just a little irritated." The doc said. "Ok all of you stay put am off for work. His mother said. "EWWWW!" John and carter said as soon as she walked outside the door. Then they gave each other high fives. "You need to go back where you came from." They said. ALL A SUDDEN TOBBY GREW A TAIL. The red scaled spread all over his body his eyes are more red. He started to roar and then he grabbed John by the mouth and threw him across the room. "uggg". John moaned. "AHHHH!" Carter screamed he tried to run but then Tobby swiched him with his mighty red tail. Crash Carter went agains the wall. John tried to get up but then Tobby ran to him fast as the speed of sound and bit through his neck. Blood was everywhere. Tobby went to carter and teared him to pieaces. Tobbys  mom came home she dropped her keys and tried to run but Tobby was quick and grabbed her by the anke and started to eat her heart out."Err went the door. Tobbys dad came to pick Tobby up. It was his turn with him. Then he walked to Tobby put his hand on him and said. "Good job little one you will learn and you will be like the rest of us soon. 

Reviews

[Julius Whimbird]

That was out of the blue. I figured that this was going to become a tragedy... I suppose it did. Well, that is, for John and Carter. Pretty dark-themed in my humble opinion. I think you could work on figurative language and incorporate metaphors, similies, etc. EX: Tobby turned to his siblings with a burning gaze. At the sight of his blood-red eyes, John and Carter began to sweat. "Tobby..." John began; however, the brunette was cut off when a clawed hand grabbed his scrawny neck and snapped it in two. Carter panicked as he watched his brother fall to the ground lifeless. Before he could scream for help, Tobby had already slashed his chest open.

P.S. I don't know if John had brown hair or not, but it adds characterization to the other boys, not just Tobby. Anyway, keep on writing.

[Charlie]

ok sounds good

[Dream Hunter]

this is an interesting story. I think that you could make a few grammatical changes to improve it, but besides that, pretty good storyline. good work!