Blurred Frames

I sit

speechless,

a fog of dull repression surrounds my mind at all sides.

Has it really happened

again?

It can't be.

His words were so sweet,

I thought they were true.

But now I sit,

speechless

and alone,

watching the tip of his shadow disappear from the earth.

It was the last reminder that he was here,

that he was even real.

I should have known

it couldn't have been.

Is it possible

that I was so gullible

again?

Yes, I made myself too vulnerable.

I think of him and my vision tunnels in-

the happiness that was once there

haunts me with every image of every kiss, every embrace

that replays in blurred frames, as reflections from fogged windows,

across the scratched surface of my brain.

Inside and out I know it was me who caused him to leave-

I knew it would be from the very first day.

But instead of keeping him safe

I pushed logic aside and gave in to my body, my heart's, 

desire.

I told him every worry,

every fear,

every meaningless problem.

Regret washes over me, drowns me heavily in a substance like tar.

I can’t breathe.

I can still see

his footprints.

I can still feel

where he placed his hand to push me away,

the sharp wind that was a result of him turning to go.

Breathing

was once second nature

but now

my vocal chords are charred from the fire of words left unsaid.

My chest

heaves

with the effort it takes to breathe

My heart

breaks

with every memory that sears through it

My eyes

fragile as glass

unable to cry

But now

I

am

pulling

away

and

I

see

myself

from

above

and

it

hurts

to

watch

I

want

to

extricate

myself

but

I’m

being

pulled                       up          

too

fast                     up

I                  up

go

up

til

all

I

am

is

a

speck

from

the

sky

and

suddenly

my eyes pop open

and I see the reason why

you saved me