The Stream Of Dreams

if you want to read a really short story then this is it cause its really short but it might suck so tell me what you think

Growing up, a boy and his older brother were told stories of a stream that fulfills your dreams. It was called the Stream of Dreams. One day the little boy and his older brother decided to go there. They packed a lunch and some snacks. It took them two hours to walk there. When they got there they were hungery so they ate lunch. After they ate lunch, they were full and tried to think of something to do. The little boy said

"Why dont we play Hide and Seek?"

"That games stupid." The older brother stated. He always dreamed of the day he wouldnt have to play these stupid games anymore.

"Please." The boy begged

"Fine." The older brother sighed.

"Yay! Ok count to how ever long four minutes is and then come find me." The boy said cheerfully

The brother started counting as the little boy got up. The little boy wanted to cross the stream and hide behind the big tree. There was a broken tree that was lying across the stream like a bridge. He decided to climb it to get across.

"God," The older brother though, "I wish I didnt have to play these stupid games with him anymore."

The brother was so deep into his own thoughts, he didnt hear the boy slip off the tree while crossing the stream. The little boys head hit a big rock. He was in so much pain and didnt know what to do. He tried crying out, but he couldn't cry loud enough. When he brother thought it was time to look for his little brother, he search the whole side of the stream, yet he couldnt find his brother. Then he thought maybe he crossed the stream. He went over to the broken tree and started to climb across. Then out of the conor of his eye, he saw red. He looked down to see the boy face down surrounded by water. The boy rushed to get down there. But it was to late. His wish came true, he didnt have to play those stupid games anymore because the boy was dead.

Reviews

[Katia]

I like it. It is sort of didactic. If there's one thing I'd change, that is the last sentence. I'd omit "because the boy was dead". I think the reader has already got the point. It is a bit of unnecessary. Without it, the effect is even more dramatic.
Nice job though :)

[Arsenic Nemesis]

B'aw, that's so sad! Be careful what you wish for, I suppose, a good moral indeed. Very well written indeed, love it, great job!

[Karli]

Wow, this is sad! I love the way it's written, though! Good work for such a short story!

[Kelly M.]

So sad! I'm sure his older brother paid a price!

[Amber Tasch]

you have bad spelling jewel, but its stil a good story

[Alexa Tasch]

how sad but i do love the irony of it all. by the way "furfills" is not a real word i think you ment fufills

[A.A.Romanczuk]

Ouch...how shall he live with the guilt of his wish....oh I cannot wait to find out...spelling error in the first line -*fulfills...but don't worry about it...I myself like to proofread when the whole is finished...I think it saves time :P But who knows

[chillz]

0_o be careful what you wish for...good write :)

[katie p]

Well thought out. i like this! But so sad