HAPPINESS SUGGESTIONS DURING THE PANDEMIC

The Retirement Coach by Mike Keenan

 

HAPPINESS SUGGESTIONS DURING THE PANDEMIC (Jan. 23, 21)

 

Covid-19 - yuk! For seniors suffering from the chronic and nagging effects of long-term incarceration inflicted upon us like white-collar criminals such as Conrad Black…oops, sorry, make that Lord Black of Crossharbour, (we must maintain imagined dignity) who was pardoned by Donald “bone-spurs” Trump after writing a glowing biography of the president, I have a suggestion to help boost your spirits. No, it’s not single-malt scotch, but that does help. Rather, it’s sports.

            Yes, sports, and I’m happy that major professional leagues and teams found inventive ways to work in a bubble or not - to provide some much-needed diversion. We should watch sports, lots of sports because of the way that they celebrate, good cheer spilling from the diamond, rink, court or field into our living rooms via cable.

            It’s not merely the reckless revelries, but the fashion in which they celebrate that warms the cockles of my heart. I will start at the bottom and work my way upwards to the pinnacle of sport merriment. First, basketball. Where else can you watch guys 6’8” tall jump for joy after they sink a three-point shot or forcefully dunk the ball through the net? Maybe Masai hunters get as excited when they kill a lion, but we are not privy to that. Basketball allows big men to act like boys.

            Next, hockey. To celebrate on ice is not easy to begin with, but goal-scorers often enact a signature move, sometimes parodying the movements of a wounded duck or chicken, and then skate by the bench for glove-to-glove congrats with teammates. In the old days when I played hockey, we tussled one’s hair, but plastic helmets have ended that ritual, and we are stuck with a boring leather embrace.

            Moving up in Maslow’s hierarchy of happiness, we encounter football players, who exhibit a variety of unique moves after scoring a touchdown in the opponent’s end zone. (Wouldn’t “The End Zone” make a great title for a Stephen King novel?) First, we have tight ends and flankers who catch the ball and offer ho-hum spikes like they are saying  “I’m good; what did you expect?” But then there are rugged running backs, who work harder, smashing through multiple tacklers, following blockers to the promised land. When they arrive, they produce choreography worthy of the National Ballet. And they involve teammates, especially big bruiser linemen who weigh in at 300 pounds or more but can outrun a horse for 40 yards. You witness impressive moves to happily relate to your grandchildren - if you can get them momentarily off of their social media.

            We arrive at the summit of sports happiness, baseball, where you get congratulated for pretty much everything you do even when you fly out or ground out as long as you advance a runner. The batter will trot back to the dugout, head held high, and receive high-fives from everyone the players, six coaches, two trainers, the bat-boy, a cop and the janitor everybody! A home run is grounds for joyous pandemonium. All of the base runners and the on-deck batter wait patiently for the hitter to navigate the bases to give him a warm welcome home after completing all of those steps, and they parade the batter to the dugout where it’s a repetition of the fly-out procedure except much more animated as players gyrate through unique greeting rituals that make family reunion participants jealous.

            It would be wonderful if municipal councils established dugouts throughout towns and cities such that a plumber might get high-fives from a group of pleased citizens or a doctor or…you get the picture. We would feel needed and content. I suppose that’s why many attend church. Imagine the results if after confession, telling your sins to the priest, you emerge to receive from parishioners the same sort reception that Vladimir Guerrero merits when he belts a homer. Wow. I think church attendance would perk up, and we might see young people for a change.

            Yes, I have purposely omitted soccer. What’s the point of sliding on your knees and tearing off your jersey? That seems more the realm of the aforementioned church service. It did get interesting when the young female American soccer player reveled in it during the Olympics, but don’t forget, the original Greek athletes competed in the nude!

 

Follow Mike’s podcasts at: The Retirement Coach: http://theretirementcoach.libsyn.com/ His book, Don’t Ever Quit - a Journal of Coping with Crisis & Nourishing Spirit, is available in in print & electronic format at Amazon.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Inessa]

I think you should re-instate soccer (which we purists call 'Football' over here). I agree some of the celebratory shenanigans are over the top, as of course are the reactions to fouls, but it is the world game after all and deserving of some mention. Not a fan of females removing their jerseys, though. Some of your male readers might disagree with that.. This was a humorous piece of writing. We should be grateful for sports keeping many sane during these trying few years of pandemic. ❤

[Mike Keenan]

Sport kept me out of trouble when young. It allowed me to dispel anger in a legitimate fashion.