chapter one

 

Bam, bam splash a tiny rock fell from the craggy cliff into the unfathomable depths of the Lake of Dreams. "Silence!" Hissed the captain to the soldier who had kicked the rock. "Silence before that horrible fairy kills us all." Whispered the captain as many soldiers gathered to impress upon the insolent soldier how important silence is to their mission.

 

"Yes, I might execute you." Whispered the most musical voice. At that moment Nightshade Wildmoon floated from behind a tree, her fairy wings shimmering in the scarce moonlight. She was dressed in a long black dress with a silk skirt and long sheer sleeves, floating two feet off the ground. The soldiers dropped to one knee in respect. "Now, who jeopardizes our mission?"

 

"It was I my lady” breathed the soldier. "Please don't kill everyone else." He gestured to the men behind him.

 

"Why should I not kill you all? We have come on a very important mission to capture the leader of the humans, which we have been trying to do for seven centuries!" Nightshade demanded.

 

"Nightshade! Stop playing with them! The boat is coming! Kill the one and let's go” whispered a very pale elf in full silver armor with an extraordinarily made broadsword in his left hand and painted silver in his right. Nightshade bowed her head slightly, and grabbed a dagger from the folds of her dress and stabbed the soldier and fluttered after the elf, with the rest of the soldiers trailing behind her.

 

The group his behind trees and boulders by the shore of the lake waiting for a small row boat to come ashore. When the small came ashore three armored figures clumsily got out and stepped onto the muddy bank. They arranged themselves with a guard in front and behind and in the middle was a small girl by the look of her. "Two vampires and a human." Whispered Nightshade with disgust into the elf's ear.

 

"The human is the only one to be left alive." He whispered to the soldiers. They readied themselves to attack, grabbing stakes as they waited for the trio to get closer. It took the trio a few moments to get close enough for the soldiers to attack. When they did the elf raised himself up to his full height, well over six feet and said, "Men attack," then in a whisper "Nightshade if you please we need to contain this problem child." Nightshade flashed the elf a wicked grin then began twirling her right hand in a circular motion.

 

A scream pierced the night. The elf smiled as the soldiers staked the girl's vampire guards and laughed as Nightshade's magic purple fire surrounded the girl. Nightshade ended her spell as the soldiers surrounded the purple inferno. The girl who was still standing collapsed to the ground unconscious.

 

"Grab her make sure she is tied up tight. My queen wants her alive and as in harmed as possible. If any of you harm her in any unnecessary way you will all be tortured by the Harpies for eternity." Nightshade said in a cruel voice.

 

As Nightshade and the elf made their way back to their camp. The elf paused and said in a low voice so only Nightshade could hear, “do you really have that much power over the Harpies, I thought there only worked for the gods?"

 

"They do work for the gods but I deal with them from time to time so much as I might convince them, but elves should know that any good liar might possibly be telling the truth." Nightshade replied.

 

So the truth is that you were telling the truth with a little uncertainty." The elf said with a short laugh. Then said "come celebrate with me. I'll show you something that I have been saving for our victory of capturing the little brat that has been causing so much trouble."

 

"I would like that but we must also celebrate going home. Back to our forest home, away from all these humans." Nightshade replied. As the two walked they heard the soldiers grumbling about having to go near the forest. The elf and Nightshade laughed as they thought about their forest home and how they would do anything to protect the forest.

 

They reached the smallest tent. The tent was so small that Nightshade had to touch her feet to the ground to get into it. Once inside the tent the wonders of the elves culture was revealed. The tent was at least ten feet tall inside and it was furnished with silk carpets, comfortable overstuffed chairs, crystal chandeliers, and many other valuables that the elf could not bear to live without.

 

After placing his shield and sword on a silk chair, the elf went over to a table and hit the table three times with his fist to open a secret compartment, and pulled out the wine bottle within. He dusted the bottle off and handed it to Nightshade. "What do you think about that?"

 

"Oh Lorel" she said using his first name, "is this what I think it is?"

 

"Yes, this is the best wine fairies and elves have ever created together, and I suggest that a taste of home is what we need." Lorel said.

 

"This bottle of wine is over two thousand years old and you think now is the time to open this?" Nightshade asked in awe.

 

"Yes I believe that now is the perfect time to open this." Lorel said as he took the bottle opened it and poured two glasses. He handed one to Nightshade and toasted "here's to going home!"

 

"Here's to victory!" Nightshade toasted back and they both drank from their cup.

 

"My Lord I'm sorry to disturb you," said the captain of the soldiers, "but the prisoner is awake and putting up quite a fight. What should we do?"

 

"Are you telling me you are afraid of one little girl!" Lorel said with disbelief.

 

"No my Lord we are afraid of Lady Nightshade." Said the captain.

 

"As well you should," Lorel said darkly.

 

"I'll take care of this. I won't be long." Nightshade said lightly. She handed Lorel her cup and quickly walked out of the tent. The captain led Nightshade to a tent in the center of the camp.

 

"She's in there,” the captain said.

 

"Are you here to kill me?" Asked the girl proudly, "or is it information you think you can get out of me? I won't tell you anything."

 

"Killing you as much pleasure as that would bring to us we can't. We have orders to take you to our capital city for judgment for you your crimes against the forest and everyone and everything thing that lives in it." Nightshade said. "And as well as information I think there is nothing that we don't know. You can't trust the animals you murder." She said with a musical laugh.

 

Nightshade twisted her index finger on her left hand and a soft purple light illuminated the tent. "That's better, now will you please stop fighting us and let us do our jobs. The only way you will be hurt is if you are being unreasonable. You have seen what I can do when I'm angry do not test me." Nightshade threatened.

 

"You lie," the girl said without much conviction. Nightshade looked the girl over. She was tall, skinny, tanned, and had shoulder length blue hair.

 

The girl's eyes were green and as hard as emeralds. Nightshade's purple eyes lit up with fury as she said with clenched teeth "I do not lie. If I wanted to kill you, you would not be here to accuse me of lying."

 

"Fine I submit but you must make no attempt to harm me while I'm in compliance with your orders." The girl said reluctantly.

 

"So what happened? Did you use your own style of persuasion?" Lorel asked Nightshade as she walked into his tent once more.

 

"In a way" Nightshade said dismissively.

 

"I was just looking at a map trying to decide how to get home." He gestured at a map on the table in front of him.

 

"I think we should go by water so we don't have to cross those accursed mountains." Nightshade suggested.

 

"I agree, also our prisoner, no matter how well behaved she says she will be, she will have few opportunities to escape." Lorel added.

 

"So we take the Dreamy River south to where it splits towards Nightmare City, where the Dreamy river merges with the Grande River." She stated.

 

      "From there we take the Grande River south a bit till it splits in a southwest direction," Lorel finished for Nightshade.

 

"And that leaves us less than 800 miles from the Araignee River." Nightshade stated.

 

"We can walk that easily but we'll need rest after that and faster transportation." Lorel said.

 

Nightshade smiled, chuckled and pointed to a spot on the map. "My castle is here, if we can get there I have unicorns, horses, Pegasus’s, dragons, unipegs,   many choices, plus food and rest." Nightshade put in.

 

"It's a plan I'll walk you to your tent." Lorel said.    Nightshade smiled at him and took his arm.

 

As they walked Nightshade asked “how is your sister?"

"Which one?" Lorel replied lightly.

 

"Leda" Nightshade responded.

 

"We're losing her. Her mind is off in the forest. If it wasn't for Leda's love for our people's I fear that she would run off into the forest entirely, but for now she's hanging on, I think." Lorel answered.

 

“This saddens me, for I remember when we were all young and she was so alive." Nightshade replied.

 

"It seems like an eternity ago when we ran together under the trees and learning the fighting arts. I still remember how you could always beat me because of my left hand." He smiled while he stood outside Nightshade's tent. "I miss it," Lorel murmured.

 

"As do I," Nightshade agreed with a sad sigh. She fluttered quickly to his eye level and swiftly but passionately kissed him, then fluttered into her tent.

 

The next morning Lorel woke quite before dawn to see Nightshade gathering boats while the soldiers were still sleeping. "Such an odd job for someone of such high birth," Lorel commented.

 

Nightshade smiled and said "those soldiers were made of magic and yet they always get orders wrong. So I'm gathering the boats myself."

 

Lorel thought for a moment before saying “well once we get to Nightmare City we won't need them, we could release the spell that keeps them here, or we can kill them, which ever you prefer."

 

"Sounds fun. Wake them we need to leave before daylight is gone."  Nightshade said. 

Lorel smiled as he turned towards the tents and walked towards a great oak tree.

"Mighty oak spirit please wake the magic men from their slumber." Lorel spoke to the tree. At that moment the tree's roots came from beneath the ground and whipped around the tents forcing daylight onto the sleeping men who were very surprised at their wake up.

 

Nightshade laughed her musical laugh, "get in the boats we have a long way to go." Ordered Lorel. "You" he pointed at a soldier "get the girl but don't hurt her."

The next hour found the soldiers packing all the tents and grumbling about not having breakfast. Nightshade was getting more and more impatient as the morning wore on. "I can’t take it anymore ' Lorel said. "Nightshade can you kill them please, before I go insane."

 

"No problem" she flashed Lorel a grin. Then she began spinning in midair and purple fire made a complete circle around the camp. "Now for the fun part." Nightshade said as she grabbed Lorel's sword from its sheath and in in the blink of an eye chopped off two of the soldier's heads.  Then with a turn she stabbed a soldier and with her other hand she grabbed her dagger and threw it into the back of a soldier who was running away. Now there were only three left. One ran into the fire and turned into ashes. The other two charged at Nightshade with swords drawn. Nightshade stabbed them both in the neck without mercy.

 

"Very well executed, Nightshade" Lorel commented from a branch high in an oak tree.

 

"Yes, now I have truly learned why the elves respect fairies so much." The imprisoned girl put in from the same branch.

 

"What are you two doing up there?" Nightshade asked with a laugh.

 

"I thought it would be best to stay out of the way of your fun. Plus she can't escape from way up here." Lorel replied lightly.

 

"Let's go we have lost time." Nightshade advised. Lorel jumped straight down to the ground a drop of over thirty feet.

"A little help up here" squeaked the girl.

 

"Don't tell me you can't climb down." Nightshade and Lorel said with disbelief.

 

"Not really"

 

"Maybe you should do it. I remember heights being more of your thing."  Lorel suggested.

 

"Well as an elf trees are definitely your thing, furthermore more she didn't get up there without some help from you, but I'll do it." Nightshade said. She quickly fluttered up to the branch and told the girl, “Grab on. It might not be that smooth of a ride down."

 

"What?" Squeaked the girl. "Haven't you been flying for centuries?"

 

"Yes, I've been flying my whole life but I'm not a horse that was meant to have passengers." Nightshade snapped. "Besides here we are nice and safe."

 

"That was amazing and terrifying at the same time. Let's never do that again” the girl said as she tried to untangle her blue hair.

 

"Let's go" Lorel said. Hey grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the boat that Nightshade was expertly guiding into the middle of the river. It took most of the day to reach the merging point of the Dreamy River and the Grande River. "We shall camp on land tonight, the rapids are too dangerous at night." Lorel shouted over the rushing waters.

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: Some of your dialog is awkward and confusing, example: (We have orders to take you to our capital city for judgment for you your crimes against the forest) "for judgement for" and "for you your crimes" consider something like "We have orders to take you to capital city to face judgement for your crimes against the forest". When you do your final edit be sure to look close at your punctuation, there are places where a comma would add dramatic pause enough to heighten the impact and detail.

Have you ever had someone read your work out loud so you can hear it as written? If not I would suggest that you do so, this maybe the greatest writing tool there is. You will be able to hear phrases that sounded good in your mind but don't work when you hear them, as well as typo words (your mind wants to type one word but your fingers type another, it happens to me all the time). If you don't have someone to read to you there are text to speech programs that work great, I use one)

Review: Your story line sounds interesting and the cast of characters is intriguing, there seems to be more than one plot line at play so how they are developed will be interesting to watch. I want to thank Alondra T. N. for sending me the read request to read your story it was a pleasure :~)

[Delmar Cooper]

The font is too challenging for me.

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Oh man its unnerving reading your story in that font. but i will. so far, creative and amusing. a few things going on at once, dig it.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well.........this was long. I'm impressed though, and glad i read it.

do write more.

[justdandy]

Yes, I would agree with Alondra. You should change the font. It is really hard to read. But overall It is a great story.

[Tomoe Tellez]

I have some suggestions:
"The group his(don't you mean: hid) behind trees"
"When the small -one- came ashore"
"My queen wants her alive and as in harmed as possible" = as unharmed as possible
"thought -they- only worked for the gods"
I hope this helps.
Oh, and I think you should change the font, its kind of hard to read and its a shame because you have a great and interesting story here, I really like Nightshade. And you had me hooked since the beginning. I will continue to read this book.