I feel trapped

I feel like I can't take it a anymore.
I deal with this every day. I put on a fake smile and pretend like it doesn't bother me. But I'm usually actually trying not to cry. And sometimes when I'm alone, I do cry. Other times I feel like like I want to but I can't.
Sometimes I need to stop myself from crying because it hurts my chest or my stomach too bad.
I just want it to stop. Whether it's physical or all in my mind, it's draining me. I don't even know if I want to get better or worse anymore because I've already given up on my future.