The Nile of Denial

 

 

 

The rolling of the Nile

Brings upon fresh currants of denial

 

To a land of rich, good things

Until innovation dries the springs

To empty deserts, misery people

 

Sweep the land, and they do nothing

 

These sheeple, these shameless sheep

Of once great people

 

The few shall rise

And the second change shall bring

Renewal, the filling of stone dry springs

 

But with good fortune comes a tint of tainted red

That churns stomachs and stains cheeks green

 

Across the yellow mountains hangs a crimson veil

To change/remain the same

Both fates bring

Destinies much to pale

 

But still the people keep on

In this land

Under the brightest yellow sail

Author's Note

Please keep limits to flames of political opinion

Reviews

[Augustus]

There is a deep and complex vein running throughout the poem. Although it takes the river Nile as its premise, I think this poem can in a broader sense, be taken to be one that describes the rise and fall of civilizations. The lines here speak about past glory and also about the present complacency / ineptitude. However, there is also a hopeful thread, where you talk about the "second change". But you add one more caveat, where, presumably you talk of the violence that is often associated with revolution. I loved the use of color throughout the poem to depict various notions. Overall I am quite impressed. You are a talented poet. Well done! :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thank you so much Augustus I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am an ameuture wrtier so I'm always trying to find my style and improve. You got exactly what I was writing about! I'm actually suprised you got the revolution, I honestly didn't think anyone would.

[Augustus]

You're welcome Emily(?). We are all amateurs in a way. The process of learning never stops. I have been writing for 15 years and I still keep improving. I still benefit from the critical comments that I receive here. As far as the revolution goes, I gathered it from the line "But with good fortune there comes a tint of tainted red". A "change" as you put it is obviously welcome whenever there is a stagnation in society. But the manner in which it is brought about often also has its negative effects. The French and the Russian revolutions are prime examples of that. But I do like the discrete way in which you have included it in your poem. That subtlety is always a welcome sign in any budding poet. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I often do add subtle things like that, perhaps it's part of my style, but because of that people often don't understand my poems or reinterpret them in different ways.

[Augustus]

There is always a fine line between subtlety and obscurity. Exactly where that line is, depends as much upon the reader as upon the poet. I don't think you should mind too much if people don't get what you're trying to say. And I think it is fine if people reinterpret it in a different way. It is part of the charm of poetry. I am of the opinion that once a poem is written down, it belongs as much to the readers as it does to the poet.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

indeed :-D

[Kuro]

I absolutely loved this! :D I loved the imagery and the pattern. Keep up the amazing work!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thank you so much Kuro! I'm really glad you enjoyed my latest work . ur reviews always mean so much to me :-)

[Kuro]

Anytime! Reading your work is a pleasure :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Lol well thank you once again :-D

[Pete Langley]

This is a sharp and perceptive observation humanely and superbly phrased in an unforced rhyme scheme. I like this a lot. P.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

why thank you! I actually follow no particular rhyme scheme in my poems. I just start to write and write it how I like. I feel trying to force yourself into a set of rules will limit what you write and your imagination