The Nile of Denial

 

 

 

The rolling of the Nile

Brings upon fresh currants of denial

 

To a land of rich, good things

Until innovation dries the springs

To empty deserts, misery people

 

Sweep the land, and they do nothing

 

These sheeple, these shameless sheep

Of once great people

 

The few shall rise

And the second change shall bring

Renewal, the filling of stone dry springs

 

But with good fortune comes a tint of tainted red

That churns stomachs and stains cheeks green

 

Across the yellow mountains hangs a crimson veil

To change/remain the same

Both fates bring

Destinies much to pale

 

But still the people keep on

In this land

Under the brightest yellow sail

Author's Note

Please keep limits to flames of political opinion

Reviews

[Augustus]

There is a deep and complex vein running throughout the poem. Although it takes the river Nile as its premise, I think this poem can in a broader sense, be taken to be one that describes the rise and fall of civilizations. The lines here speak about past glory and also about the present complacency / ineptitude. However, there is also a hopeful thread, where you talk about the "second change". But you add one more caveat, where, presumably you talk of the violence that is often associated with revolution. I loved the use of color throughout the poem to depict various notions. Overall I am quite impressed. You are a talented poet. Well done! :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thank you so much Augustus I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am an ameuture wrtier so I'm always trying to find my style and improve. You got exactly what I was writing about! I'm actually suprised you got the revolution, I honestly didn't think anyone would.

[Augustus]

You're welcome Emily(?). We are all amateurs in a way. The process of learning never stops. I have been writing for 15 years and I still keep improving. I still benefit from the critical comments that I receive here. As far as the revolution goes, I gathered it from the line "But with good fortune there comes a tint of tainted red". A "change" as you put it is obviously welcome whenever there is a stagnation in society. But the manner in which it is brought about often also has its negative effects. The French and the Russian revolutions are prime examples of that. But I do like the discrete way in which you have included it in your poem. That subtlety is always a welcome sign in any budding poet. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I often do add subtle things like that, perhaps it's part of my style, but because of that people often don't understand my poems or reinterpret them in different ways.

[Augustus]

There is always a fine line between subtlety and obscurity. Exactly where that line is, depends as much upon the reader as upon the poet. I don't think you should mind too much if people don't get what you're trying to say. And I think it is fine if people reinterpret it in a different way. It is part of the charm of poetry. I am of the opinion that once a poem is written down, it belongs as much to the readers as it does to the poet.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

indeed :-D

[alegria]

i love ur write... good one... :)

[Wondering Mind]

I will show restraint, respecting your note :)
An interesting write in style

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thank you. I do pride myself on my unique style.

[Ninja Empyrean]

One thing I have always found interesting is the relative thought of people in "underdeveloped" countries. There is comfort in old ways, envy looking across oceans, but there is also family in land. I definately tasted a phoenix style ambiance boiling up here. Some of the most wonderous things are still there - like the crazy nutritious value of figs, the sailboats you mentioned are still beautiful... I liked it.

[Spookers]

Wow. This is amazing. I liked it very much. It sounds like the rise and fall of human civilizations throughout time. Keep up the awesome work.

[Ees]

The nile flows north like my Genesee, doesn't it? Lol. I couldn't help it... anyway...

the phrase: "misery people" might work better as miserable people. Or misery of people. "misery people" just isn't the write way to state what you are trying to, I don't think.

This is a very interesting poem and you have displayed some interesting concepts within it. I liked reading the part about the sheep of once great people. Sometimes you really do wonder....

Great work!

[Acer]

This's an unique piece itself, i have no words to say sth about it, just touchable, now i'm confused why i did close my profile..lol, you have got talent girl, why don;t you write about it more ?
but before it, the idea came form where ?

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I was honestly just bored during class and wanted to write about egypt because someone who read another poem I wrote about the nile had requessted another a while back :-)

[Blue Ivory]

This is a very powerful poem. Your words are true. You're great at description. Your poem is full of depth. The symbolism and comparison is amazing!

[Tomi]

This is possibly the most complex yet deep and meaningful i've read in a while. Lovely Write..Thank you for sharing :)

[G!o]

Mature, sophisticated and revolutionary poem; something you barely encounter among contemporary poets. This is rich of heavy points to ponder and meticulously written. This is amazing.

[Eddie Phillips]

I enjoyed the complexity of the poem. It was complex but it told a very elementary story of life. We can easily become complacent and take for granted the gifts and wonders of life. We can stagnate ourselves by only dwelling on our yesterdays and not moving into our future. I enjoyed this poems diverse and complex meaning.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Lol thank you!! Welcome to the complex jungle that makes up my head

[Eddie Phillips]

You are not alone in that jungle. We are juxtaposed right next to each other. :)