watch that baby purr

    “ Mrs. Linden, may I talk to Hollie about the .... repercussions of gun admiration in private?"

 

    Thinking he would set Hollie straight about what and wasn't appropriate for little girls to like, she practically shoved them both into the back room. Hollie stumbled a bit and scuffed her shiny black shoes. The teacher stalked back to the other kids slamming and locking the door behind her.

 

    She grumbled," Weird, freaky child, blood is horrifying, gruesome, never beautiful! I hope that man sets the girl straight. He looks the practical type after-all."

     After recovering from her near fall Hollie looked up in embarrassment. She expected to see the creepy smile. Inwardly she cringed at the memory. He was smiling, but not the least bit creepily. His smile was warm, almost proud, as it lit up his face. It was making his already fair blond hair seem lighter and somehow angelic on the older man.

    " Hollie, not many little girls like guns, like you do. Did you know that?"

 

She seemed affronted.

    " No, i didn't know. They're nice and pretty and I love them! I'm not in trouble, am I?" she had started to look nervous toward the end.

 

     “ Hollie, I work for the government and, I get to use guns every day."

 

     "Really? That's super cool mister!"

       

     " Hollie, would you like to use my gun?"

 

     "Can, I? you're not joshing me are ya?" 

 

     " No, Hollie, never." 

 

He walked away from the little girl and dug into his leather suit case. He pulled out five targets. He spread each out evenly across the wall opposite the door. He tacked each one up and seemed satisfied with his work. He had quite a smug look on his face while admiring his handiwork.

 

"Hollie do you have a hair-tie? You need a tie if your going to shoot."

    "Yuppie!" shouted Hollie as she scrounged around her pocket until she found a fuzzy pink scrunchie.

 

    She scooped up her brown locks and bound them quickly. She did this so quickly it looked like watching a video on fast-forward from Mr. Johnson’s point of view.

 

   "Done!"

 

She really did look quite different. This was despite the fact she was still a cute, small girl, and despite the fact she had done it with a pink scrunchie. With her hair out of her face her eyes were brighter and sharp like that of a hawk. Her features seemed sharper somehow and more regal. Suddenly, despite her age she seemed many years older and somehow not as childish as before. He took out a shiny silver pistol and whispered to her, " This is a new silent edition pistol. It was made specially for my division. This way, we won't upset your class, understand? I want you to have it Hollie. Even if you're not a good shot. Just promise me, you'll cherish her.”

 

"Kay, I promise Mr. Johnson!"

 

    She didn't understand but she was just happy to be touching a gun for the first time ever and would have said anything to make it happen. He explained to her how to aim and a few safety tip and carefully handed her the pistol. She held it reverently in her baby-soft hands and stroked it like a long-lost friend. She aimed the pistol to the center as the wind was blowing the target and her eyes flashed from soft, hazel to a dreamy acidic shade of green. Something happened.

 

    Instead of shooting the far edge then walking over to each and repeating, as Mr. Johnson had honestly expected, she did something astonishing. She shot the first straight through the center, and in the time it took for the wind to stop fluttering the paper, she had aimed and banged the other four bulls-eyes consecutively; in no particular order. Each was hit in exactly the same place. she just stood placidly and content in front of the first center target, her pistol smoking

 

" By god, she's a sniper!"he gasped.

 

The only response he got was Hollie nuzzling the pistol like a cat would a leg. He could have bet he heard a purr. He would have won that bet.

Author's Note

I bet you didnt expect this twist after reading the first chapter!!! mwahahaha

Reviews

[KAREN]

The plot thickens, and I like it!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx!! Im glad you liked it!! stay tuned! :-)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Well written but as yet still unbelievable!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol you will seee! mwahahaha

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

and thanx so much!!

[kublakhan27]

Wow, strikingly-written...the irony is almost overwhelming, which is good lol :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

well I do love my irony if you cdnt tell from my writing lol
I'm glad you liked it so much! :-) thanx for the sweet review

[kublakhan27]

My pleasure :) Oh yes lol Irony for a writer is like a pet...if you devote enough attention and understanding to it, it will be your best friend :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

oh it is it truly is! its my precious lol

[kublakhan27]

lol :)

[Hester Vane]

Such an interesting twisted tale.There are some grammatical errors, but nothing major. Keep penning becuase I will keep reading.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx so much. im always glad to hear about ppl enjoying my work! :-)

[chantelle]

Again, this could use a second look for proofreading. Like here: 'Even if your not a good shot,' your should be 'you're'. You keep switching Mr. Johnson to Mister Johnson. Try to pick one and keep it consistent.

I feel like they're making what she said in the last chapter into too big of a deal. Kids say things and people usually just brush it off because they don't know any better. It would make sense for them to become worried, but it feels like they're overdoing it. " Weird, freaky child, blood is horrifying, gruesome, never beautiful!" is a but over the top, especially for a woman that works with children nearly everyday.

"He would have won that bet." I actually love this line.

Overall, it just seems so hard to believe that a man who went to their class to talk about gun safety would take a young girl to the back room and let her shoot a gun. I have a hard time believing it.

Just one more thing - this chapter and the previous chapter could easily be put together. There's really no need to separate the two.
I hope this was helpful!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. Little girl have great skill with guns. I like the storyline. You have my complete attention. A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

im glad I have your attention coyote!!!

[Cynthia Man]

I love Hollie! This type of girls is just so like the type I Love! I feel myself falling in love with her, hahaxd! I want to read more, please continue writing it! I love the way you describe Hollie's change in appearance, and then how amazing she did. Simply wonderful!!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I am going to keep writing I plan on writing a new chapter every week. Im rly glad you like hollie so much! I love that your enjoying it so much!!

[Nina St. Moritz]

This is fantastically amazing! I really cannot wait to read more! The way you write this, you make the reader wear Hollie's shoes, though you kind of switch between Mr. Johnson's and Hollie's third-person POV. I'm finding that I can associate with Hollie, which is what makes this really interesting. I especially like the special attention you give to Hollie's eyes and the way they changed color. You drag the reader's attention to a small detail before throwing us into something amazing, which just makes that something amazing that much more, well, amazing.
Keep up the great work,
C. d'Argent

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Im rly glad you like it christine!! Im glad you like my writing style! sorry about the pov thing but im rly new to the story thing so truthfully i cnt rly tell how to stop that yet maybe ill look 4 a course on it

[Nina St. Moritz]

Switching POVs like this isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, for this story, it brings out a lot of the character of Hollie, because we see her from her own POV and then from Mr. Johnson's POV. Depending on where you want this story to go, switching POVs could be a good thing. But if you want Hollie to develop into THE main character and make her seem to stand alone (just spitballing here) then you should probably start to transition into just her POV.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

it is mainly about Holly but Mr.johnson's staying as a close second as her mentor-figure

[Nina St. Moritz]

To me, it seems that switching perspectives leaves a sort of immature respect in relation to Hollie, so I think that as she grows older, it should focus mainly on her, rather than on her and anyone else who comes in contact with her. You could possibly keep a few trips into Mr. Johnson's mind though, just to keep their connection alive to the reader.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

great advice!!!

[Melody]

THIS IS SO COOL!! I like Hollie. :) Lol, the last sentence cracked me up, XD

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I like hollie 2 lol afterall i did base her off myself hahaha I liked the last sentence to I just couldnt resist ending in a joke

[Melody]

Lol. She also reminds me of myself. The acting innocent but also openly morbid, totally me. Lol. I'm glad you did, because if you hadn't it- it really would not have been the same or original.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Im all original hahaha!

[Melody]

You are. :)

[♥ Kinnixk]

Whoa..this guy hands a four-year-old a pistol?
:O
hehe...something tells me he's a bit on the crazy side.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ooh we'r all a little crazy on the inside! :-D