watch that baby purr

    “ Mrs. Linden, may I talk to Hollie about the .... repercussions of gun admiration in private?"

 

    Thinking he would set Hollie straight about what and wasn't appropriate for little girls to like, she practically shoved them both into the back room. Hollie stumbled a bit and scuffed her shiny black shoes. The teacher stalked back to the other kids slamming and locking the door behind her.

 

    She grumbled," Weird, freaky child, blood is horrifying, gruesome, never beautiful! I hope that man sets the girl straight. He looks the practical type after-all."

     After recovering from her near fall Hollie looked up in embarrassment. She expected to see the creepy smile. Inwardly she cringed at the memory. He was smiling, but not the least bit creepily. His smile was warm, almost proud, as it lit up his face. It was making his already fair blond hair seem lighter and somehow angelic on the older man.

    " Hollie, not many little girls like guns, like you do. Did you know that?"

 

She seemed affronted.

    " No, i didn't know. They're nice and pretty and I love them! I'm not in trouble, am I?" she had started to look nervous toward the end.

 

     “ Hollie, I work for the government and, I get to use guns every day."

 

     "Really? That's super cool mister!"

       

     " Hollie, would you like to use my gun?"

 

     "Can, I? you're not joshing me are ya?" 

 

     " No, Hollie, never." 

 

He walked away from the little girl and dug into his leather suit case. He pulled out five targets. He spread each out evenly across the wall opposite the door. He tacked each one up and seemed satisfied with his work. He had quite a smug look on his face while admiring his handiwork.

 

"Hollie do you have a hair-tie? You need a tie if your going to shoot."

    "Yuppie!" shouted Hollie as she scrounged around her pocket until she found a fuzzy pink scrunchie.

 

    She scooped up her brown locks and bound them quickly. She did this so quickly it looked like watching a video on fast-forward from Mr. Johnson’s point of view.

 

   "Done!"

 

She really did look quite different. This was despite the fact she was still a cute, small girl, and despite the fact she had done it with a pink scrunchie. With her hair out of her face her eyes were brighter and sharp like that of a hawk. Her features seemed sharper somehow and more regal. Suddenly, despite her age she seemed many years older and somehow not as childish as before. He took out a shiny silver pistol and whispered to her, " This is a new silent edition pistol. It was made specially for my division. This way, we won't upset your class, understand? I want you to have it Hollie. Even if you're not a good shot. Just promise me, you'll cherish her.”

 

"Kay, I promise Mr. Johnson!"

 

    She didn't understand but she was just happy to be touching a gun for the first time ever and would have said anything to make it happen. He explained to her how to aim and a few safety tip and carefully handed her the pistol. She held it reverently in her baby-soft hands and stroked it like a long-lost friend. She aimed the pistol to the center as the wind was blowing the target and her eyes flashed from soft, hazel to a dreamy acidic shade of green. Something happened.

 

    Instead of shooting the far edge then walking over to each and repeating, as Mr. Johnson had honestly expected, she did something astonishing. She shot the first straight through the center, and in the time it took for the wind to stop fluttering the paper, she had aimed and banged the other four bulls-eyes consecutively; in no particular order. Each was hit in exactly the same place. she just stood placidly and content in front of the first center target, her pistol smoking

 

" By god, she's a sniper!"he gasped.

 

The only response he got was Hollie nuzzling the pistol like a cat would a leg. He could have bet he heard a purr. He would have won that bet.

Author's Note

I bet you didnt expect this twist after reading the first chapter!!! mwahahaha

Reviews

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I like where this is going but (I'm afraid this might be a big one) I cant see a kindergarten talking about guns. I don't know what country your from or how your society differs from mine but I was 6 before the school brought up guns and that's only because they had someone trying to recruit JR Army cadets even then they glazed over the guns until a year later when I was 7. this is a good idea I can see the reason for her being young but I cannot see any education department allowing a gun expert to talk about guns to such a young audience perhaps he is a "security Guard" that "doesn't have a gun" until Hollie is disappointed ect and he "sets her straight" about them and he tells only her the truth? play around with different ideas but if he has to be there to talk about guns write in a reason for it. also the chapters are quite short while not unheard of the short chapters are usually a bit longer and these first 2 have no reason to be short they easily fit together and the way you end this chapter is more like how a chapter should end where as the end of the last chapter was just the end of a paragraph it stopped the flow of a good story. overall however I like this and will read on.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I'm a little confused about where he took her and why a teacher would allow someone she had just met to take off one of her students to be "set straight"..? I just don't see that type of thing happening in real life. Now, maybe when she's waiting for the bus, they grab her up and take her off to where their little secret society hides out... maybe. I think this chapter has great potential but I feel like it was lost in the rush of ideas and the thought that a four year old would be this willing to go with a stranger and be so knowledgeable about guns. Maybe we needed more details on her intelligence level or something that brings her "beyond years" of a four year old? Something that would get me to believe that she's an excellent shot with a pistol (which more than likely would be way to heavy for her to be holding, but just a thought). However if this guy is a part of a CIA, secret society or some other government hide-away and she is trained to be a sniper, etc.. that does sound like one bad a*s story and would be interested in reading it further. I just feel like a lot was lost in this chapter, that's all.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I thought it was clearly understood that she was taken to an empty classroom nearby. the reasoning for the harshness of the teacher and such things is explained better in the next chapter at least I think so.
as i said in another she's really not that intelligent. she's slightly above average but thats it really. her reaoning is simplistic "man nice, man give me toy- me like man, man will make better" lol maybe her obediance and willingness to please kael came across as her being bright? that wasnt my attention.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

That most definitely could have been it!

[H-Jonesy]

Hm.
First of all, I enjoy your writing style. It's easy to follow but has that....zing of vocabulary here and there that makes it complex almost. The way you write is very fluid and not choppy in the least bit.
How ever. I don't follow the idea of this piece. I understand, a child that loves guns as apposed to the normal. How ever, why would a man who is talking to a class of children about gun safety actually give a child, a four year old, a gun. It doesn't seem practical, which makes it very difficult to follow.
You also have the thought of "Well, is the government going to train her to be a child assassin?" Which brings you to the problem of, your reader has figured out the plot in the second chapter! Keep the audience guessing.
Back to the plausibility of all this. I would suggest making her much older, or tweaking it so that this man stays in her life for a while to give her, her first gun. I'm not exactly sure where this is going, which is why I am so vague in my suggestions. So I will continue on.
Also, proofread your work dear, or simply ask someone to, I caught a few more grammatical errors then I would have liked in this chapter. But, I still enjoyed it. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

It is futher explained in chapter three his reasoning, well a bit hahha. you'll see :-) oh and she's not gna be an assasin. well she is kinda but not rly heres a little spoiler *she's only gna kill one person and thats when she's 16* iv tried to get someone to help me edit but im having zero luck T.T I knw I hv horrible grammer but it's rly something I can fix and I cnt see it myself... im all alone.. no co-author.. no beta.. no editor.. no fancy program other than microsoft..... wow im depressed now so im gna leave it here

[H-Jonesy]

I'd be happy to help you edit, dear :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

oooh rly cud you!!! id be vry grateful iv asked many ppl

[H-Jonesy]

Yup. Just email me with a copy of what ever chapter to [email protected], as an attachment though. And I'll get it to you as so as I can. Though with my classes it make take a few days sometimes

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Hi Jonesy, I was wondering how often you get online and if you would also be willing to be my personal editor? I don't have one at this time and would be interested in finding someone that would be willing to help me in that department. A lot of times it's because I rush my work and other times it is because I don't do rough drafts and just write straight on to WC and then post but I'd like someone to double check my work beforehand, if they would be willing.

[H-Jonesy]

Sure, doll I'd love to look over your things. Just email me your work as attachments. Though I ask you give me plenty of time to look them over since my scheduled gets rather hectic.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Oh that is alright. I've already written several chapters to my story that I'm previously working on and more than likely I'll edit those myself and only forward the next chapters I work on to you, personally. I don't want to cram too much on you so suddenly. But thank you for your kindness.

[H-Jonesy]

Oh course. Thank you.

[Soul Fire]

This is so well done! I really enjoyed this!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

wow thanx raya!!! I'm really happy you enjoyed it!!

[Soul Fire]

youre welcome

[Alexa Tasch]

What a messed up little child!! And what would make him think giving her a gun was a good thing? God these people! Loved it!!!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

You'll find out next chapter lol

[Corset]

I bet he whizzes that little girl straight to the underground to be the next nikita , good start and kinda shocking right out of the stall, something about little girls and guns just seems shocking.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

glad you like the idea! thanx alot :-) stay tunes

[Castonovia]

Nope, didn't expect that at all, the plot thickens... the teacher definitely didn't think he would show her how to use a gun. What fun ;) I hope there will be more because this is just so amazing and a sure fire attention grabber!!! *She's a sniper*

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thanx I rl love shocking ppl it grabs their attention hahaha

[Heather]

First I have to say I love how you have this structured, its so easy to follow and read, very well done in that aspect! Then you surprise me with the twist at the end!! I love it!! You do such a good job of being descriptive and allowing the dialog to be natural instead of contrived. The dialog is how anyone would speak, which makes it so enjoyable to read. Some grammar issues but easy to overcome. Very nice!!!!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx so much!! I know it has a lot of grammer flaws im horrible at grammer honestly but Im looking for some ppl to help me out so maybe thatll work out

[Heather]

Grammar is hard to see when you are in the moment... it takes another eye to see it, that's why writers have editors. Just keep writing, and leave the editing to others after you're done. We expect writers to make mistakes in grammar, if they stop to correct themselves they lose the flow and tempo of the story. Editing will come.. later

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was entertaining. O.o whoa....lol I can't believe she's a sniper. Thanks for sharing.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

no problem!!! lol I'm glad it caught your attention!

[Angie Diane♥♥]

Yes, yes it did. lol

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

do you know anyone you can help me edit it??

[Angie Diane♥♥]

I can. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ohhh!!! Id rly love if you could help I know im not good at grammer and such and i rly would appreciate the help

[Angie Diane♥♥]

No problem :)
I used to edit my wife's stuff. :)