What I really admire about this poem, is the progression from the descriptive to the metaphorical. The transition between the two is seamless. In the beginning, the reader can relate to the picture, and tries to look at it through your eyes. And then, you start weaving in the metaphors and make the reader turn inwards, trying to find human equivalents for every line. I love the way you project the beauty and innocence of the lily and contrast it with the "yellow black vampire". First, I like the contrast in colours: red and white vs yellow and black. Lovely visuals there. And I especially like the reference to the vampire, given that the lily is "blood red" in colour. Overall, the poem is coherent and thoughtful in its presentation and remarkably beautiful in its conception. Marvelous job!
Congratulations this poem has been "approved" for publication in...
THE MAGICAL MYTHICAL MYSTERY COMPENDIUM.
-Fantasy and Factual Poems of the Arcane.
By John Phoenix Hutchinson and Others. (c) 2012
Please feel free to submit other poems as you are not limited to one entry. Also please write a short "bio" about yourself and send to me via private message. This will be published along with your poem. Thanks J.P.H.
Anyone wanting to make Submissions to this Writers Cafe "e" book Project can do so on my group page, the deadline is 1st of November 2012.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I have to say that this poem set a bit of a puzzle for me. I dont doubt its excellence and you have .. read moreI have to say that this poem set a bit of a puzzle for me. I dont doubt its excellence and you have some great reviews etc as per my requirements for inclusion. I wonder though if such a flower poem had a place in a book of this title.......but then realized after several reads that because of the metaphors used this poem could be taken 2 or even 3 different ways which is magical in itself. So I decided to approve it.
12 Years Ago
I'm glad you understood my reason for submission! :-) thats actually my favorite feature of this p.. read moreI'm glad you understood my reason for submission! :-) thats actually my favorite feature of this particular poem. That it's metaphors make it so versatile and that it can mean many things depending on the intent of the reader.
Greetings from the host of the contest "Of Blood and Eternity".
I am impressed by this poem and your creativity. For being entered into a contest about vampires, blood and the concept of eternity, this wasn't at all what I was expecting to find. Reading this was an unexpected pleasure. I delighted in the way you wove your tale of the blood lily and the black and yellow vampire. The metaphor was very clever and it made me both smile and laugh to myself.
As to picture which inspired this piece, I think you did well in choosing it. The words you use and the description absolutely work for me. And if one were to go by the comments of others, I am not alone. You have skill and talent and it shines in this poem.
So, thank you very much for entering my contest and sharing this with me. I wish you much luck, as you have some stiff competition from several poems, including such titles as "Eternal Love", "Dark Sanctuary", and "The Curse From Madame Rouge".
Out of curiosity, what contest did you write this piece for?
-Caradoc
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Thank you so much for your kind words!! It is my pleasure to be in your contest and I can only hope.. read moreThank you so much for your kind words!! It is my pleasure to be in your contest and I can only hope my talent allows me to shine most bright over the poems of the darkness. the contest I had entered was called greatest imagery and it was hosted by allyson wolfe I got second place.
I chose to read this poem for the enticing title, and discovered a powerful piece of poetry. It's a difficult but rewarding way to write if you can use an image as your start-point and let your mind run with it and you've done that perfectly.
The lines that stood out for me were:
'Poor Bloody Lily
You don't know
and you stay open
Pretty and unbroken'
Nice work :)
You have started your write it a stunning photo of the lily which you say you have obtained for a contest. It is a good choice for a write to follow of the nature of which you speak as even the image of the flower may invoke different thoughts in a person's mind. I have read your other reviews so I know of your thoughts of the contest, and somewhat the nature of your preference to use the metaphors, which I always appreciate in one's writing, as I also often use metaphors- so many so that at times I am not sure what I actually do mean....lol...anyway, back to your lovely poem. I admit I am led to think of it as the woman, and the innocence that is too often taken away because of the beauty which is seen by another, but not appreciated enough for the "taker" to respect how pure and lovely it is! You have put much thought into your write.........this I can detect even within the metaphors! You even advise the pretty blood Lily to close up your fragility.
Good luck with the contest!!! I do not know the nature of it, but you shall hopefully have a good chance with it as your poem is very good (just a suggestion to check the spelling of "tresure".....might be "treasure"....( I only offer the check to help you my friend, as others have done me in my journey of writing.)
I'm glad you like my style!! I like there to be many different meanings in my poems. I haven't heard.. read moreI'm glad you like my style!! I like there to be many different meanings in my poems. I haven't heard from the contest yet but I have my fingers crossed. You'r right about that reasure I'll go and fix that right up! :-)
12 Years Ago
Yes, I really do wish you the best as your poem is very good!!!
12 Years Ago
I'm glad you think so, hopefully the contest owner agrees ;-)
Love the pic, your inspiration for doing this poem, it's very vivid and there are many different ways to interpret it even though it's description... the personification of the flower is beautiful indeed :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I'm glad you like the pic I it got off a contest. You know I was just rying to dscribe the flower b.. read moreI'm glad you like the pic I it got off a contest. You know I was just rying to dscribe the flower but for some reason I just cudnt leave it at that
Im just a highschool girl. Writing is my hobby and I think Im fairly good at it but I leave you to be the judge of that. :-)
my best short stories are: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/poisinros.. more..