Poetry is not my thing, which makes this review even more surprising. If I review a poem it means it broke through my barriers and this one definitely did. First of all, I like that you are tackling a topic that needs to be brought to people's attention.
I like the simplicity , the cleanliness of your writing, it is not cluttered with words just to fill the page, however, the cleanliness does not mean it is bare. Parts that jumped out
-your soul so trapped and broke
no heartbroken trace
sad mistaken water. I'm reading this to be dried tears, which describes the scene without spelling it all out for us. Allowing the reader to fill in the blanks as our mind sees it .
The last line, wraps it up nicely, and leaves us with a sense of finality. Again, you are not telling the reader what exactly it means and we are left to wonder if this speaks to the fact that her death is the loss of future opportunities?
I really enjoyed the emotions and depth this brought out and , as I said, before, we need to talk about suicide and death. Glad you tackled the tough topics.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Im really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topic.. read moreIm really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topics that need to be addressed. The simplicity is just my style I like what I say to be fairly blunt and to the point. However, I don't want to make a poem that everyone will read and relate to identically. So I try to weave many meanings into the verses. It always makes me overjoyed when someone whom isn't always a fan of poetry can appreciate a work of mine. That's what I am for, to be able to appeal to an everyday reader.
That was such a sad...tragic...and explained write..
hmm Even thought the topic that which I cannot like.. but I just loved the way you have put down the words....
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
lol thanks :-) my witing is always happy place writing ut I do try to put it together well. I'm gl.. read morelol thanks :-) my witing is always happy place writing ut I do try to put it together well. I'm glad you like my style :-)
Poetry is not my thing, which makes this review even more surprising. If I review a poem it means it broke through my barriers and this one definitely did. First of all, I like that you are tackling a topic that needs to be brought to people's attention.
I like the simplicity , the cleanliness of your writing, it is not cluttered with words just to fill the page, however, the cleanliness does not mean it is bare. Parts that jumped out
-your soul so trapped and broke
no heartbroken trace
sad mistaken water. I'm reading this to be dried tears, which describes the scene without spelling it all out for us. Allowing the reader to fill in the blanks as our mind sees it .
The last line, wraps it up nicely, and leaves us with a sense of finality. Again, you are not telling the reader what exactly it means and we are left to wonder if this speaks to the fact that her death is the loss of future opportunities?
I really enjoyed the emotions and depth this brought out and , as I said, before, we need to talk about suicide and death. Glad you tackled the tough topics.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Im really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topic.. read moreIm really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topics that need to be addressed. The simplicity is just my style I like what I say to be fairly blunt and to the point. However, I don't want to make a poem that everyone will read and relate to identically. So I try to weave many meanings into the verses. It always makes me overjoyed when someone whom isn't always a fan of poetry can appreciate a work of mine. That's what I am for, to be able to appeal to an everyday reader.
what a sad story, especially through the eyes of the friend who sees their friend dead. As sad as it may be, I do find the message something so very important. When people want to commit suicide, they sometimes think that "no one will miss them". If only they could think forward to that moment in your poem where there will be
"no more pure felt goodness" in the heart of the friend. If only, if only. But thank you for this, poem. I especially find the line "leaves no heartbroken trace" interesting and like the wordplay.
Only one criticism, perhaps. This poem seems a bit stinted (not very flowy) in places. Maybe try to include some more flow between lines. Or perhaps that was your intention for the mood of the piece?
Anyway, thank you for this read :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
12 Years Ago
I was trying to make it very dramaticized . I thought I had a bit of rythme I kep up a certain amou.. read moreI was trying to make it very dramaticized . I thought I had a bit of rythme I kep up a certain amount of ryme while avoiding the dr.seusey theme that I rather dislike.. I'm glad you did like it though. Someone needs to adress such things :-)
By the way, awesome picture. (Huge Anime Nerd Presiding) HANP!! :D
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
lol thanz I had to search awhile to find just the right one. I am to A huge anime nerd so I can rel.. read morelol thanz I had to search awhile to find just the right one. I am to A huge anime nerd so I can relate! :-)
Wow. I'm young (15) and that made me come close to tears! Great work! Short poems are often more powerful than long poems. The power in this one out does any other short poems I have read so far...except the rest of your collection :P
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
aww thanx so much!! I'm quiet and shy so I guess when I write I just can't help but feel and want t.. read moreaww thanx so much!! I'm quiet and shy so I guess when I write I just can't help but feel and want to make others feel to. I'm really happy you like it so much! :-)
You make it so vivid the way you describe the blood and the paleness in thteir face as well as their spiritual inside. Well done. :D
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I try to be very descriptive when I write you rly have to be when your poems arent dreadfully long a.. read moreI try to be very descriptive when I write you rly have to be when your poems arent dreadfully long and mine arent; its my stile. Thanx again Im glad you liked it!
this type of emotion is simply undescribable, but you did a good job. you definately hit on the passion behind it. it's a very tough subject, but you handled it well.
i've had an experince like this before, and while words will never be able to do it justice, you've .. read morei've had an experince like this before, and while words will never be able to do it justice, you've done a good job.
Umm by broke did you mean broken? Or out of money broke? Anyway, the poem is beautiful and deep. I like the way you wrote it. It's very expressive!
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
thanx I used broke on purpose because it has more meanings in it than broken and I felt it fit the r.. read morethanx I used broke on purpose because it has more meanings in it than broken and I felt it fit the rythm of the poem better
12 Years Ago
yeah that's creative :)
12 Years Ago
Thanx lol
12 Years Ago
plus I didnt want to use broken and heartbroken so close toether ya know?
Im just a highschool girl. Writing is my hobby and I think Im fairly good at it but I leave you to be the judge of that. :-)
my best short stories are: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/poisinros.. more..