Beautiful Devastation

A horribly tragic poem about a violent carcrash riping apart a beautiful love. The despicable irony is that the love is what causes the crash.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oblivion

consumes my sight

 

Metal spears my corpse

 

A blink , A blink

Reads across my lap

 

"Beautiful baby, please be safe"

 

Flashes across the screen

Chaos rings

Through my ears

 

The sirens, the traffic, the panic

It's beautiful

 

I dip a finger

In a crimson pool

 

I enscribe on the window

My very last words

 

" I'll miss you Jamie"

 

It's my last creation

A work

Of beautiful devastation

Reviews

[Ama May Cooper]

Interesting, quite short but managed to get the whole story out so clearly and strongly that everything was brutally clear.
A very sad tale.... i think the last few lines capture the brutallity very well , its my last creation... the blood stained message to a lover left behind.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you liked it so much! I find that at times fewer words can be far more powerful than many

[Persona]

I loved the title and I liked the concept. It was dramatic, the character's last moments for spent writing to her love and the imagery was vivid. I imagine the character being in the front seat of a car and maybe being partly smashed through the glass and the idea of the hectic sirens excites me, though hope is lost because the character will pass away.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thank!!! I'm Rly glad you liked it and understood it so well :-)

[scout]

I find this piece melodramatic – what I personally feel is that that you could've brought the tragedy out through blithe unknowing on Jamie's part. From reading your comments on reviews I see that you were trying to evoke a certain kind of emotion in your audience, which is a good mindset to begin with. However, this piece doesn't speak to me very much.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

ur welcome to ur opinion ^.^ personaly, i like it and some others do to. I dnt expect every1 to like everything I write after-all lol

[Coyote Poetry]

Direct and honest words gave life to your words. Each lines causing thoughts and create vision. No weakness in the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Tragedy at its peak, and portrayed so well !
Emotional work ! :')
Keep it up !!!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I always will! keep readin :-) Im glad you enjoyed it

[S]

very intriguing indeed....

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you liked it!!! thank you!

[alegria]

lovely piece of write...like it a lot..keep writing:))

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you enjoyed it!!!

[Sakshi]

Crisp and yet so descriptive. Love your style!!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you like it!! and thank you so much

[marlayesterday]

I like this one too! Small but powerful. :) Keep up the good work!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm so gld you enjoyed it!!! Im an extremely stong believer that fewer words can add power to a pem that a long complicated flowery poem can often lack. Peaple think length is genius, length is talent but length is no way to measure a poet nor a writer

[InnerSpirit]

P.S. My point was with all of that: to pack such a huge story into such a few amount of word, requires a writers mind.

... and that dear, you have!

Thank you for the read.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

it was my greatest joy to please. Most of my poems are not very long. Im a stong believer in making a message more powerful with less words. I believe many poets over flower their poems and it actually takes away from the depth and emotion within

[InnerSpirit]

Hannah,

Sending a writer a single word or two in their review is meaningless to the author. (At least, IMO). So, allow me an attempt to scribe my FEELINGS on this work... "Beautiful Devastation" .

First, I must make a comment on IRONY... life, as in the words of "Alanis" is ironically ours. Stuff Happens and it seems every decision is based upon the action or reaction of ourselves or others.

Being as this write was filled to the brim with irony, the subject obviously did not take into consideration the repercussions behind her actions. She was a soul, in love and looking forward to her next moment spent with her significant other (who is portrayed as a very sweet soul, I might add).

She drives through the night (my perception), filled with anticipation - when at the moment she reaches for that phone (rainy nights should never leave our attention while driving) *again, my perception*...

Laying on that cold road, all alone, still feeling his love - reaches for the last moment she will spend with him... his text.

Oh, what sweet message that was - the ever so bittersweet comedy in this work is the fact that she, still even on her final bid, could never allow him to have the last word.

What a Beautiful Devastation, indeed.

(the colors add depth to your words, great job)

Now, feeling satisfied, I can leave you with one word...

BRAVO!

Thank You for writing and keep up the great work.

InnerSpirit

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[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Your review makes me so happy! that you took the time to read into it is my greatest aim and joy! Most of my poems are up for analysis and even the bluntest ones can have multiple meanings. you have found yours