huddled rebuttle

This is about the sorrow of eing bullied and tormented and having no one but yourself to help you through it all

Hate, Hate

All around

 

While I huddle

near the ground

 

Noone cares

They lauph

They sneer

 

The authorities

Are my prison guards

 

Of keeping fear

 

While I huddle

My soul asleep

My eyes are hollow

Always weep

 

Blushes, sobs

Know no bounds

 

Yet I'm in wrong

How profound

 

While I'm huddled

On the ground

 

While this happens

Only one heart tears

 

While she's swallowed

By her fears 

 

 

Reviews

[Sakshi]

Awww... I really had a sad smiley face after reading this one.. your words did reach to my heart!!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Aww Thanx I'm always so glad to hear my poems are reaching out to ppl!!

[Augustus]

A truly sad story that many will identify with. I so wish that we could put an end to bullying in school premises. It can have such a damaging effect on one's persona.

I like the fact that you've used short lines here. I also like the beginning. The poem sounds as if an innocent child is narrating its tale of sorrow and righteous anger to anyone passing by.

On the negative side, the meter is a bit uneven and the rhyme "profound/ground" made for awkward construction. Apart from that, it is fine. Keep writing! :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you liked it :-) It may sound so becuase I wrote it while I was a child early middle school I believe. I'm happy you enjoyed the style. I'm sorry you didn't like the meter but I rly dnt use a set one for any of my poems :-)

[Augustus]

Hey I don't see what you should be sorry about if I didn't like the meter! It is not mandatory to have a set meter. I did not want to sound pedantic.
It's just that from personal experience, I can tell you that metrical perfection, if achieved, can do wonders for your poem. I only commented on the meter because your poem is by and large structured. If it had been in free verse, I wouldn't have raised that point at all!

PS: All things considered, it is a damn good poem considering you wrote it in early middle school. It is much better than what I managed at that age! :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol don't wory you didn't sound overly meticulous :-) thanks for the compliment actually the majority of my poems are from middle school. I wrote a lot more back then. I'm sure you were plenty good back then.

[Augustus]

You're welcome...And no I wasn't that good back then, but I thank you for your kindness. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol alright, alright