Myself

Today i am wearing lacy black underwear

I know why i am wearing them.

it is not for you, for that boy down the hallway.

It's not for anyone who cares to ask.

I wear them for me, just for the sake of knowing

I am worthy of beautiful underwear, 

even if i have nowhere to go.

Underneath that underwear 

i exist.

i can trace the multitude of lines,

the freckles

the veins crossing my pale skin

throbbing with life.

I can trace my curves, my edges.

I can feel my life beating beneath my chest.

On the days i don't feel beautiful

the days someone has mocked me 

and i secretly cried

the days i notice all my flaws

my insecurities

I can close my eyes

reimagine myself from the lacy black underwear 

and up.

I close my eyes

and concentrate on my heartbeat

It is enough to know that I'm alive.