I am that I am

sonnet

I Am that I Am

I speak to those who choose to hear
To those who choose to see, appear
If you believe you will perceive
if you accept you will receive.
The blessings that I offer you
and in return I ask you to.
Attempt to love your fellow man.
It is not easy but you can
What does it matter black or white
all men are equal in my sight.
You have free will and you must choose
to listen to me or refuse
Be still and let the silence speak.
I am that for which all men seek

23-Dec-08

http:// blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers

Reviews

[Helena]

"What does it matter black or white
all men are equal in my sight."

Yep in mine too!

A nice sonnet Ivor. Much enjoyed the wisdom. ~ Helena

[Ahmad Alhour]

Truly amazing.
" You have free will and you must choose
to listen to me or refuse
Be still and let the silence speak.
I am that for which all men seek "

Very thoughtful, meaningful and deep... as always...

Great job mate.

[bluessadmood]

.attempt to love your fellow man
It is not easy but you can
What does it matter black or white
this is really wonderful i like the wider meaning behind it..just imagine what would happen if you loved everyone around you..no hatred..no discrimination..its so stupid..i value men depending on how they feel ..how they react towards others ..on how they think on how much brains inside their heads..i will never care how they look ..its so stupid to think that way..this is a very mature wise writing..i really liked it
wonderful write

[Syke]

Great job! I'm pretty sure the second line should have a period; the third line should probably end in a period too; the fourth line probably should lose the period as "If you accept you will receive the blessing that I offer you" is a complete idea and so the period should be moved to the fifth line (if you don't mind starting a sentence with and or changing the "and" into a "now") or removed altogether; "And in return I ask you to" is a fragment and so the period should be removed turning it into "And in return I ask you to attempt to love you fellow man" which is a complete thought; the 7th line is kind of awkward and so you should probably swap it and the sixth line making it "and in return I ask you to, it is not easy but you can, attempt to love your fellow man"; the 12th line should probably end in a period; the thirteenth line COULD have the period removed; the fourteenth line should end in a period.
It would probably look something like this:

I speak to those who choose to hear ,
To those who choose to see, appear.
If you believe you will perceive,
if you accept you will receive
The blessings that I offer you.
Now in return I ask you to,
It is not easy but you can,
Attempt to love your fellow man.
What does it matter black or white,
all men are equal in my sight.
You have free will and you must choose ,
to listen to me or refuse.
Be still and let the silence speak.
I am that for which all men seek.

You don't have to take all or even any of my suggestions and I don't mean to sound like I didn't like your poem. I in fact like it A LOT. It's very metaphysical, and very good. You had no direct errors, the punctuation just seemed to chop up the flow a bit. I know a lot of people are interpreting thing as from the view of God, but I really like how you left it more open ended, simply from the point-of-view of something right, good, benevolent. An amazing poem, definitely worthy of a 100!

[The DuchessPoet]

I love this!
It's just good writing... plain and simple!

Respectfully,
The Duchess...

P.s.
I share your sentiment... I am old enough to make a fool out of myself without embarrassment! LOL
Anyone 50 and older qualifies! :-)

Again, great write!

[Nautili]

very nice work. I like that you wrote it from God's viewpoint. It made it a stronger piece. Someone just did me wrong very recently, so I needed to hear "Attempt to love your fellow man." Thanks.