THE ASTROMATES... Chapter 11...Part 1.

A continuation of my book.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

THE CAPRICORN EXPERIENCE

"There’s an old saying in the world of acting." said Alex, without an ounce of sympathy. "One never works with children or animals."
"That’s bleeding fine for actors but I don’t happen to be in the trade." I replied.
"Oh but you do, old boy." said Alex, tilting his head to one side, studying my torn face. "Of course you’re acting. The minute you walk out of this office on a date, you are undercover, acting a part."
He had an answer for everything. I wondered if he even knew about the switch Helen had worked on me. Perhaps he even knew about the hounds from hell, sending me out just the same to get a good story. No, looking at his grizzled face, those watery blue eyes, I doubt if even he would have the heart to see me torn to pieces on the thorns of bracken and bramble.
"Well I’m not going anywhere with a face like this. It’s going to take at least two good weeks for these scratches to heal. Do you realise, if I’d been working for you properly, I could have sued you for negligence, for not insuring me a safe working environment. It’s all the rage in America you know."
Alex smiled.
"Come, come, dear boy." he said. "How can you sue a poor person, one who lies at the bottom of the heap, in destitution?"
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… This man had more front than a fat lady in a freak show!
"I’d like a penny for every pound you’ve got, Fagin." I said.
Alex gave me a sad look, as if he had been misunderstood.
"My boy." he said, even sounding like Fagin. "I’d give you every penny I possessed if I thought it would do you some good but we both know, don’t we, you’d only spend it."
Now, what the bloody hell was money for, if not to spend? The silly old sod!
"Still." I said. "It’s no good me moaning. I’ll just get off home and take it easy. I’ll see you once the tissue has healed."
"Very stoic of you, old chap. Just keep giving the old body a good bath in antiseptic each day and you’ll be fine. It’s a pity that nurse, that Virgo woman isn’t still around, she’d have been the one to sort you out." Alex mused.
"Are you cracked, Alex? I still have part of my cranium missing down to that mad woman!"
"Not to worry. There’s no rush to get back for your next date." said Alex, dismissing my outburst.
"Oh, my next date. What is it to be this time? Take a motor-cycle ride with an escaped inmate from a lunatic asylum on the ‘Wall of death’? Or is it a duel with some old crone who breathes out fire?"
"Why must you always be so dramatic?” asked Alex.” Always going over the top."
"You just told me I’m an actor, Alex. So I’m acting the part in a play where I get stabbed through the heart, or thrown from a high building. Or, better still, why not have me thrown from Tower Bridge so if the fall doesn’t kill me, I could quietly drown."
Much of what I said was spoken in jest but it did get me wondering. There were only three Astromates left now, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces. How does Alex finish the story when I’ve finished the dates? I mean, every story has to have an ending, doesn’t it? Even thinking about it gave me the jitters.
"You will not die old bean." said Alex.
My heart stopped for a moment. Had Alex been reading my brain?
"You won’t fall off any bridges or get stabbed to death by some frenzied woman. You only suffer for your art, it’s for arts’ sake you suffer." continued my mentor, blue eyes watering. He stretched, before carrying on… "But, during your convalescence, I would suggest you visit a library and read up on your last three remaining dates. Not only will it give you something to do but it will also save you on heating bills at the same time. You need to organise yourself a bit more, take my tip."
I looked around his office, the over-filled saucer which served as an ash-tray, the smoke-grey walls and grimy window, the paper-cluttered desk and floor and I shook my head as I smiled. Get myself organised, he had to be joking!
"What you ought to do is really read up on the Capricorn lady. Now there’s a woman who can organise. She’s one lady who would set about organising your life as soon as look at you." said Alex, seeing my smile.
"Well that’s nothing new, Alex." I replied. "It seems every woman I ever met wanted to change me in some way, so one more won’t make any difference."
Alex admitted I was right about women wanting to change their partners.
"It starts from courtship." he went on. "The first change a woman makes is to alienate a man from his friends. No more nights out with the lads and no more card games where money might be lost. Gambling goes out of the window, otherwise no sex. Women can’t help it, you see." continued Alex, warming to the subject. "It’s their prerogative to make changes. It doesn’t matter what Sun-Sign the woman is, there’s a little button at the back of their neck which is triggered by the mother as soon as the daughter brings home a new boyfriend. Once that button is pressed, its goodbye to fast cars, goodbye to fashion, goodbye to independence… It’s all downhill from there."
Bloody depressing git, is Alex. You can guess what his wife must have been like, poor sod. In a way he’s right though. Just think about it, for the sake of one little whiff of a shag and a man would disown his own family… Well, I know I would!
Alex let out a huge sigh, his mind miles away.
"Yes" he said, still mooning about passed experiences. "It’s all downhill from there." he concluded.
He had this way about him, you could turn up as bright and shiny as a new penny, happy as a loon, then, two minutes with the forecaster of doom and you just feel as if you want to lay down and die.
"While you’re in such a happy mood and I’m sitting here, why don’t you give me some info on the Capricorn lady. It will save me sitting at home, straining my eyes, reading by candlelight." I said.
"Well, I’ll just tell you a couple of things." the ancient wizard said magnanimously. "Just as long as you sit still and stop picking at the scabs on your face and listen without interruption."
I stopped picking, squirmed myself deeper into the chair, holding up two fingers in a ‘Boy-Scout’ salute.
"I promise to pay heed to the master of all things." I swore.
"See!" exploded my irate master. "You just can’t help it, can you? No sooner do you make a promise than you break it."
"Sorry, Gov. Ever so sorry and ‘umble, sir." I mumbled, looking contrite.
My words seemed to pay dividends as Alex touched fingers together, making a stick-like tent, his eyes rolling skywards as his mind strolled down the memory-lane of tuition.
"Let me see… Where to begin… Ah, yes…" He nodded to himself, eyes bearing down on me as he found the starting place.
"Capricorn, as you must surely know by now, is an Earth-Sign. That implies that the Cappy is practical and very much down to earth, as well as taking a materialistic approach to life. Career is often important to this Sun-Sign because the higher one rises in public esteem, the bigger the prize as far as materialistic rewards and recognition goes. That’s a sure sign you’re not a Cappy then, old bean."
See what I mean about the old goat? He asks me to sit quietly and pay heed, then takes advantage of my silence by insulting me! I allowed the insult to whistle over my head, proving me to be the better man… Poorer, but better.
"The ruling planet of Capricorn is Saturn." Alex carried on, unaware of my thoughts. "Saturn is often called the ‘Testing’ planet because wherever it sits in the chart is where one needs to learn if advances are to be made. Some Astrologers consider it to be of psychological import but we shan’t go into that." he said, dismissing my upraised hand.
I felt like a miffed schoolboy, one who knows the answer but is totally ignored by the teacher.
"Your Capricorn lady." continued the teacher. "Does not suffer fools gladly and will put down anyone she thinks is trying to pull the wool over her eyes."
He stopped, this time acknowledging my raised hand.
"So your Cappy lady is a dour sort of creature, serious-minded.", I said.
"Not all the time. There are times when this lady can act like a ‘Kiddy-Goat’, have her half-hour of fun. But she does expect to be taken seriously when working and organising things around her. She likes to take charge of situations. At times like these she can be called the ‘Nanny-Goat’, stamping down on those who act like children during the hours of duty. In many respects your Capricorn lady makes a very good number two, preferring to work under a large organisation rather than going it alone."
"Why’s that?" I asked, intrigued.
"Your natural Cappy female is rather critical about things and will quickly point out when others make a mistake, she will teach lessons. However, this sense of criticality is part of her own psyche, which means she can also be intensely self-critical and hates to make mistakes. That’s the main reason why, working in a supervising capacity, when things go wrong she can pass the buck further down the line, anything rather than have others point an accusing finger at her."
"So what you’re telling me, Alex, is that, while the Capricorn lady represents authority, she is afraid of shouldering it herself."
Alex gazed at me with raised eyebrows, as if I’d said something clever.
"I have my Worzel Gummidge thinking head on." I remarked, excusing myself for my cleverness.
"But you’ve just hit the nail on the head!" exclaimed my learned friend. There’s no doubt if I had an exercise book, Alex would have put a ‘Gold Star’ in it along with a drawn ‘Happy Face’ for getting a right answer.
I carried on being clever.
"So the male is a silly Billie while the female’s an old Nanny." I said.
"I would keep silent while you’re winning." warned Alex with a glint in his eye. He continued… "As you’re aware, the Capricorn is known as the Rocky Mountain Goat. This implies the nature of one who is sure-footed, taking care and time to climb to great heights, to rise above others. Often, this can be taken as aloofness or plain snobbishness but that’s not always the case. Rather, it’s a case of being above those who might point accusing fingers, those who would seek a chance to criticize the Capricorn nature."