THE DEPRIVED...Chapter 3... Part 39.

A continuation of my book.

Nat had sought new lodgings and on the second Sunday of the month, after having told Mr. Yates that they were moving due to enforced monetary conditions, Nat hired a handcart and with all they owned piled on top of the cart he led Beth and Billy through the streets until they had reached their new lodgings in Whitechapel. The room was gained by climbing an old wooden staircase to reach the room which overlooked a stable-yard so that peace was in continual disturbance by the coming and going of the horses which waited for their turn, with their usage over with, to end their lives on a visit to the abattoir further up the street. It was as if the animals seemed to know their fate, with loud snufflings and neighing and the stamping of hooves till each was led away and their space soon to be taken up by another old nag. The room was small by comparison to their last lodging although it was compact and had the added warmth which seemed to rise from the heat of the occupants below. A bed squandered much of the room while a small table and set of two chairs furnished the rest of the space.
“It’s quite homely.” said Beth, not caring to show her real feelings.
Nat merely nodded while Billy had set himself against the window to gaze and point down at the horses with happy eyes.

The property loaded on the cart had nowhere to fit. The bed they had acquired and the cupboard, along with the mirror and two large chairs were left to sit in a corner of the stable-yard, set to either rot or to find a buyer.

Nat had set off to return the cart while Beth had set about cleaning out the small grate and giving a dusting to the memories of the last occupiers.
“What is it, Billy?” Beth asked when the boy had pulled at her skirt.
He led her to the door and she followed him down the stairs and out into the yard to where two old horses stood with wild eyes. Billy showed no fear as he walked up to them and Beth watched as both horses lowered their heads at his approach, so that he stroked their ears and allowed them to nuzzle his head. It would seem that Billy had an affinity with the animals, those which came and went so that he spent a lot of time down in the yard below.
“It’s strange how Billy seems not to notice that the horses he stroked today were not the horses he stroked yesterday. It’s as if he is so used to the coming and going in his young life that he now takes change as customary.” Beth had later said to Nat.

Nat left at four o’clock in the morning after begging Beth to remain in bed and to be quiet so that Billy should not be disturbed. Kissing Beth quickly on the cheek and with a quick smile he left, leaving her to count his footsteps as he descended the wooden stairs. Beth rose as soon as Nat had gone, unused to laying in bed and filled with guilt at not being able to help with the finances. The pain in her stomach had been getting worse, sometimes cramping so bad that she would double over while green bile would upsurge into her mouth. Nat had asked if she needed to see a Doctor but she had gritted her teeth and denied the pain, not wanting to put more care and worry onto the shoulders of her husband. Going to the window she stared up at the dark of an early grey morning and then down to the horses which stood shivering in the open yard. Beth sat by the window, staring out with a mind which began to wander until the glass of the window pane became a reflected mirror in which she imagined she saw the faces of her father and mother, both smiling and with that happy look she remembered they shared before the days of the famine back in Ireland. That was a long time ago, too far back so that the memories of her distant childhood seem to haze and mist in patterns of flowers and green grass mixed with a sound of singing, a happy tune. Was that her mother’s voice? Yes, Beth remembered the song and mouthed the words as she cocked her head to one side. And where had they gone? Where were those hopes and the enthusiasm which kept her parents alive. Now the faces began to fade and Beth blinked her eyes tightly. Rising, she made her way back to the bed to gaze down at the sleeping face of Billy. He looked so peaceful, his pale face not unlike Sam’s when Sam was that age. Where was Sam now? What was he doing? Was he still alive? The thoughts now entered Beth’s mind as she gently lowered herself to lay alongside Billy. She allowed the thoughts to play on her mind, remembering the last time she had seen her young brother and then hearing his screams in her mind as he was being dragged away. Beth closed her eyes on the memories, feeling the heat of guilt tug harshly at her till she pulled her knees up tight to her stomach, the cramps holding her in hard pain. She put both hands to her mouth, not wanting the screams to come out, not wanting to wake Billy.

Nat had come home that evening and after having eaten he sat and discussed the days work at the factory before spending some time playing with Billy before putting him to bed. Beth had earlier tied a blanket across from wall to wall across the room so that it served as a barrier between the bed and the rest of the room, giving privacy to the sleeper. Beth started a small fire in the grate and both she and Nat now sat beside it, gaining its warmth.
“Here Beth.” said Nat, taking a small packet from his pocket and handing it to Beth.
“What is it?”
“It’s medicine I’ve been given for the pain. I’ve been down to see the Doctor at the factory during my dinner-time and he told me there aint much as can be done except to keep the pain at bay. The Doctor told me it’s called laudanum and it will ease up on the stomach. You're to take a small pinch at a time in some water when the pain starts.” explained Nat.
“How much did it cost, Nat? Can we afford it?” cried Beth.
“I was given it in good grace. It’s free to all those who has worked at the factory.” promised Nat, though he felt Beth could see the truth in his eyes, that he had to pay for it and done without his small tin of snuff instead.
Beth opened the packet and sniffed it, pulling her head back at the pungent smell. Tipping the packet up she bent to tip her tongue to the powder but Nat stopped her.
“Only take it when the pain is holding to you in a bad way, Beth.” he instructed. “I can get more if you need it.”
Beth tucked the packet down the front of her shift and promised she would only use it when the pain got too bad to bear.
Retiring to bed, they had taken to using Billy as a buffer by having him in the middle while they slept either side. This was not Nat’s choosing though he knew that Beth chose this fashion because the secretion from her gums and the breath which came up from the stomach was unhealthy and sickly.

Nat woke each morning, refusing to consider the idea that his beautiful Beth was dying and that the work within the match factory and the chemicals used had been the source of her demise, as it had seen the death of so many. Each morning he would wake to see Beth’s face growing more lined and more thinner, the flesh tinged with green while the pus collected at the corners of her mouth. And each morning he bent to kiss her lips before leaving and knowing that he would have to purchase more medicine from the Doctor so as to see Beth through the coming day and night.

It was one evening when Nat, having seen Billy to bed behind the blanket, sat close to Beth that she turned her face to his and took up his hands.
“Nat, darling.” she began. “I want you to promise me something.”
Nat saw the earnest look in her eyes, eyes which had lost their deep blue sparkle. He didn’t want to hear it and shook his head.
“No, Nat. Let me speak.”
Beth tightened her grip on his hands as she saw the tears begin to seep from his eyes and to trace his cheeks.
“Don’t cry, my darling Nat. You have to be strong for me.” she urged.
Nat turned his head, lifting an elbow to wipe his eyes on the cuff of his sleeve.
“You know I am dying, my sweet Nat. We both have to face that. I don’t know how long I have got and I know I get weaker each day. The pain is getting so intense that the medicine does nothing to ease the pain. You know that, don’t you Nat?”
Nat nodded. The tears now ran openly from his eyes and to fall from his chin.
“I know that.” he managed to say.
“I want you to promise me that when I am gone you will look after Billy. You must take good care of him. You’ll do that, won’t you, Nat?” said Beth.
“I’m in promise to you with all my heart, Beth. I will take care of Billy as if he were born to us, me own son.” promised Nat.
Beth had taken to bed after swallowing the powder in some sweetened milk and lay with her arms folded around Billy. Nat continued to sit on the chair till the embers in the grate had died then quietly rose and left the room, descending the stairs into the stable courtyard and out into the streets beyond where he wandered through the rest of the night till early dawn.
“Where have you been, Nat?”
Beth was awake and had lit a fire, rising from the grate and turning to face Nat as the door opened.
“I weren’t into sleeping, Beth. I was restless and went for a walk. I weren’t in wanting to wake you up.”
Beth hung a pot over the fire and made him a sweetened brew as he sluiced his face in cold water. Having drunk his brew, Nat leaned over to kiss Beth’s lips.
“Tell the young ‘un I’ll see him tonight after work and play him a powerful game of soldiers.” he said softly and then kissed her lips again as if to show the depth of his love and then walked out of the room leaving Beth to sit and weep quietly on her own.

Despite the pain, Beth took Billy down to the stable-yard below and watched as he stroked the horses. It seemed to her that the horses in understanding their fate wore the same sad-eyed look that she had, as if resigned to what lay ahead. She remembered her mother who had once talked about Beth’s grandmother. On knowing she was herself dying had said that at first Beth’s grandmother had fought against the idea of dying until she understood it would do no good. Then she had embraced the idea and took the notion inside herself and finding a calm had lost the will to live in a most graceful way.
Watching Billy as he moved from one horse to the next, Beth smiled sadly, knowing it would not be long before she would be seeing those she loved, her parents and Sam, should he have died before her.

On the Sunday morning Nat had slept in late and on waking found that Beth had already got Billy dressed. Her face was so pale, ghostly white and hollow to the cheeks.
“Are you alright?” asked Nat.
He pretended not to notice anything, her slow and crippled movements or the breath which seemed to escape from her in long low hisses as though she struggled to breath.
“Nat.” she said, seating herself on the bed. “Will you take Billy downstairs to see the horses? There’s an old brown mare which looks like it could do with some company.”
Nat shook his head at first, looking at Beth and afraid to leave her.
“Go on Nat, sweetheart. Take Billy downstairs.”
Nat took Billy by the hand, stopping once at the door to give Beth a look. She smiled weakly.
The door closed and Beth listened to the footsteps as Nat and Billy went down the stairs, then lay out on the bed and closed her eyes.
The pictures came stealing into her mind, becoming vibrant and Beth smiled as she reached out to touch the smiling faces of her mother and father.
“Where’s Sam?”
The words spelled themselves out, white on a black background. There was no answer and Beth knew Sam was still alive and out there somewhere. Reaching out to her parents once more, Beth joined them and did not know pain any more.