Sands of Life

I wrote this for Selene's contest. It was quite a challenge for me.

The sands of life spiral down the hollow drain

Leaving the smell of mildew on the tongue

Crippling sorrow’s pirouettes have begun

Resonating with dexterous despair

With an alluring figure it does ensnare

 

As intoxicating rain penetrates the soul

Tossing tornadic teardrops toward the sky

Leaving the guilty with a solid alibi

A rose petal heart splinters into sawdust

Circumstantial evidence becomes a trust

 

The vapors of change consume the fragile mind

Drowning it in an ocean of broken glass

The lingering Love implodes with tear gas

As violent thoughts create moments of doubt

Through a tangled labyrinth the only way out

 

Motionless in a viney intertwist of thoughts

Time breathes at a decelerating pace

Passion absent of pleasure, a complete disgrace

Possessed by once vivid shimmering rose

Out the window with the breathless night it goes.

Reviews

[Kerry O'Connor]

I think it was an interesting choice to go with a strict rhyme scheme for a poem about synesthesia, which is easier to understand in the abstract. I thought your choice of rhyming pairs was very good, and at no time did they over-power your stanza or distract the reader from the theme. I'm sure this condition can be painful at times, especially if it is misunderstood, and I get that sense from your words:

The vapors of change consume the fragile mind
Drowning it in an ocean of broken glass
The lingering Love implodes with tear gas
As violent thoughts create moments of doubt
Through a tangled labyrinth the only way out...

An altogether different angle on the prompt.

[Mauricio Montoya]

it be that way sometimes,
Excellent write.

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

Beautiful and descriptive wording. A wonderful read.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A most structured and well researched piece, a well guarded and fininte ending, well done

[Poeticadia]

Wonderfully explosive and rich imagery charting loss across time and capturing the emotion of complete despair with a sensate breathlessness.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Your words decribe such a brillant picture of beauty, Excellent poem!

[-Scribe in Style-]

I loved reading this, good job!

[roy mccarthy]

very well written,
flows great,
there are some awesome lines in here!

[KAREN]

Excellent read and write and I love the picture this painted for me! It was a pleassure to read.

[Dream Weaver]

Very well written Kristina,
I really liked the second
stanza, as did I really
the whole piece...getting
better every time I turn
around...amazing...

[Tina Kline]

Very impressive writing, love the whole journey your words took me on. The skill in this shines. The imagery is fantastic and it all works together perfectly. Love this!