MIDNIGHT MEMORIES

written like a journal entry or letter. True story either way.

In the midnight hours, I think of you.  I give myself permission to let my mind wonder back to a time that seems like yesterday and an eon ago at the same time.  Those moments are embedded inside my brain with HD perfect quality; displaying an array of vibrant scenes in my mind.

Life was different then. It was easier, yet in reality, it was more chaotic and stressful.  The only difference was I had you to lean on.  Through the adventurous moments to the family trials, you were there.  The laughter seemed abundant and the tears dried up quickly.  We were in it together.

One messed up decision and four years later, I sit here alone, only letting myself think of you in the nocturnal hours of silence.  When the world is quiet and I am strong enough to play the colorful movie of it all in my mind, without tears.  Only when I can smile and say it was an amazing time.

Tonight, however, I am letting go.  I am saying the ache has passed and the weight has been lifted.  There is a place deep inside where I still love you, but is distant, different.  I yearn, no more, for what will never be, and I am able to move on and feel again with feathery light steps.  The chains of love on my heart have been removed and I am saying this to you.  “I don’t need you anymore.  I once couldn’t breathe without knowing you were in my life whether it be a friend or a lover, but now I know it is possible to not only breathe, but to live.”

I don’t know if we will talk or text again.  I know that I don’t want to see you, for it would only make my heart cry for things that will never be. 

See, I am allowing myself to move on in a new creative direction.  I am the writer of my life and can take it in any direction I want, and for so long I let the thought of you; the love for you, be the director.  With these words know that you will never be forgotten and those moments will remain until the end of my days.  I am saying I shall cherish what was once there and recognize it as another life and another time. 

Our moment has come and gone with the words I love you, but I am leaving you.  Those words I can never take back, but I have forgiven myself for that mistake.  I have accepted the things that I can not change.  I am saying I love you but I am leaving you as a thought in the quiet moments of the night. 

Reviews

[Ladysue]

I am so glad I didn't miss this piece...this was so sad, bittersweet really. powerful, genuine and full of memories that now have found their place within...where they the heart can cherish them but not hurt the way it did and letting go happens...this was very moving and so beautifully expressed...I think anyone who has loved and lost can relate to this piece...

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This was beautifully written, Your words are so strong! I know their must of been pain and saddness as you wrote this, but it speaks so softly like a whisper. It's hard to move on from a lost love, but good for you in taking that step! Great write!

[Poeticadia]

This reads like a letter, a beautiful letter that must be written to find closure to a passed relationship. A relationship that has continued to dominate every moment alone - with both fond, loving memories and painful memories too.

This was so sad Kristina, but beautiful!
I think that no matter how badly love ends it's hard to let go... It takes strength, to let go of it!
I enjoyed the story you wrote here, I really felt it.
The line about HD was genius, I must add!

[SpokenWord]

It is hard sometimes to reach this point of acceptance and moving on with a good taste in one mouth. You can hear the strength in the words and the determination to move forward with life in the future instead of living in the past with broken dreams.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow anyone who has lost a love can relate to this piece... I know after my divorce I spent so much time thinking how good things were and how they got so bad, not to mention how different life felt now. This is really some deep emotional stuff.

[Tommy]

Kristina, this spoke to my heart like no other piece I have read. I guess, because this is the place I find myself in at the present time. I have lived in my own prison of despair for long enough, and have recently been drawn back out to live life for me again. That fourth paragraph just, Wow! A favorite of favorites!!!

Great Writing!
RLG,
Tommy

[The Analog Kid]

It is like a eulogy. You talk about the good times and bad. Love laid to rest. I think this is one of your better writes:)

[Jibey]

This is a powerful elegy to a lost love, a tour de force of a woman who has dealt with disappointment and knows that to move on is the only option...but it also has that poignancy of longing, of being unable to let go of the sweet memories that make the heart ache - a recognition that the past is ever with us... There is so much depth in this writing...