Cold Rain and Memories.

A memory from four years ago. True Story. Gotta love Frogs. Written for Serious Business group

The night was cold and dreary, but that didn’t stop me from venturing out to have some fun and socialize.  It wasn’t very  my mom and I would go out together so I took this opportunity.  The streets glistened with moisture from the drizzle was a continuous aggravation.  The destination for the night’s adventure wasn’t far from home.  It was a little hole-in-the wall bar that offered good beer at cheap prices and pool tables for enjoyment.

The smell of chalk, whiskey, and smoke filled the room as we entered.  I found my mom quickly and waited for her friends to join us.  During conversation, the latest drama filled my ears with news of his wife wanting him back. Why didn’t he say anything to me?  Why was I the last one to know this bit of important information?  Didn’t he trust me anymore?  Question after question filled m mind.  The more I thought the more I drank.  I was going to wait till the next day to call him, but he had made me feel like a fool.  He should have come to me with this important information and not other people.  It didn’t matter she lived in Arizona and we were here in Illinois; he should have told me.   

My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour and my thoughts were filled with so many questions and pain swelled with a hurt deep within my chest.  I dialed his number only to get the answering machine.

“J. call me as soon as you get this message it is very important that we talk.”  I flipped the phone shut.

Loud metal music blared from the jukebox, and I played a couple games of pool with an old friend from kindergarten.  The night seemed to stretch on as the minutes ticked by.  I missed his call because I didn’t hear my phone ring.  I finally noticed I had a missed call.  I had made my decision by the time I dialed the phone.

I went outside into the cold October night air with an ached that clinched my chest and a hurt; I knew would take years to get over.  The parking lot was wet and the music pour outside, but none of this distracted me from what I was about to say and what I was about to do.  I heard his voice on the other end and almost craved, but I held strong.

“Kris, what’s wrong?  Are you okay?” J. voice said from the other end.

“Why didn’t you tell me your wife wants you back?  We have always been honest with each other.  You should have told me!” I replied, pacing back and forth.  I remember the sound of the heals on my boots clicking on the pavement.

“Look I didn’t need her s**t and I don’t need you starting this s**t with me now.” He said, in a calm voice.

“Wow, he never cussing at me.” I thought, but drop it as quickly as it had formed.

“Look I have something to say and I need you to listen until I am finished.  I love you and have since I first met you.  Your court issues are over now so don’t tell me you don’t need this.  I shouldn’t be afraid to tell my boyfriend I love him because it might scare him and I do love you.  I love you soulfully and deeply.  More than I have ever loved anyone in this world, but I am leaving you.  I can’t be the bad guy anymore.  Even if we aren’t together I don’t think you should take her back she will only hurt you again and you would be miserable.  I know at some point that you are going to move home and leave me and I can't do his.”  I said between sobs.

“Wait….”

“I can’t talk to you.  If I do I will change my mind and I think this is best.” I closed the phone shut and sat down on the curb with silent tears streaming down my face.  I missed him so much already my whole body called out to him and my heart felt as if a vice grip had been placed upon it.  I had been on the phone with him a mere thirty minutes, and in that moment, I knew I would never be the same again.  The teardrops refused to dry up and I sat there in the cold rain feeling miserable.   The instant feeling of being alone crushed me like a pile of cement blocks.  My soul was crying tears screaming to call him back and tell him I didn’t mean it tell; him I loved him and needed him as much as the air that I breathed.  In the dark, I sat there with no comfort while everyone inside carried on with their lives.  I grieved for the love I would never have again, and I knew no one in this world would ever complete me like he had.

Reviews

[Nothing Personal]

It's utterly painful to know it's not fictional, it's written with the heart pouring it out completely. No reviews can really justify or evaluate this piece of work. I can only imagine the pain and the heartbreak. Those immediate moments with the rain and the tears and the thought of loneliness and the thought of not being with the one, the thought that he will wake up to someone else, come back to home to someone, and that his jokes, care and love will never be showered, his face will never appear everyday as it would have..unimaginable. Just very touching piece. I am sure you are doing way, way better now Kris and you must have made the right decision. Top stuff here..

[Kiri Nells]

Wow! This is a very good story! It's very engaging and it made me emotional. Great write!

[Coyote Poetry]

"I knew I would never be the same again. The teardrops refused to dry up and I sat there in the cold rain feeling miserable. "
A very good story. I like the description of the bar and the internal conversation before the meeting. No face to face talk about a separation ends up good. A very strong ending to a excellent story.
Coyote

[Tommy]

Wow, this was an emotional write! I have loved and lost in a similar manner, and it feels like death, or at least like a part of your heart dies when love is lost, but remains in the heart.

I caught one type o' in the second paragraph four lines down. "m mind." I think you meant [my mind.]

and I seen you use the word "that" throughout. I was told by an English professor the word "that" can almost always be eliminated, because it is a filler word, and she drilled this into my mind, so I took the use of this word out of this paragraph, see what you think:

“Look I have something to say and I need you to listen until I am finished. I love you and have since I first met you. Your court issues are over now so don’t tell me you don’t need this. I shouldn’t be afraid to tell my boyfriend I love him because it might scare him[,] and I do love you. I love you soulfully and deeply. More than I have ever loved anyone in this world, but I am leaving you. I can’t be the bad guy anymore. Even if we aren’t together I don’t think you should take her back she will only hurt you again and you would be miserable. I know at some point you are going to move home and leave me and I can't do his.” I said between sobs.

Maybe it will help maybe not. defiantly not a big deal, just something I learned and share with people I think are great writers.

I enjoyed this read, it is emotional, and I like works which make me feel.

Great Write!
RLG,
Tommy

[Sam Severn]

Powerful n' honest as hell n' climaxing with one of the best paragraphs of emotional description I have ever read on this site....I loved this!

[just rose.]

Yeah, I know what this is like, but for different reasons. So very real and deeply felt.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

You made me tear up... I'm unsure of what else to say to this, really. It was painful to read, and as always your descriptions were great. A few errors, I noticed, but I assume you have yet to edit it so I didn't bother posting them. I did get confused a bit at the beginning when you mentioned gossip then just mentioned a 'him', but then I quickly picked up on who he was when you gave more detail after the first attempted phone call. Glad she (you?) gave up the bad boy, though, even if it hurt her as much as it did...

[luciddreamer]

Oh wow, this was a wonderful write, the imagery was fantastic and I swear I felt my own heart crush at the end..

Peace
Robin