Liquid Distress

wrote for creative poetry group using these words Dejection, anguish, obscured, weary, mournful

The heart grows impatient of the wait

Mournful teardrops begin to fall

Is this destiny part of life’s fate

Tattooed forever is one name

Red ink permanently etched

Engulfed by love’s eternal flame

Dejection felt deep in the bone

An ache rooted with sorrowful pain

Helplessly left completely alone

Happiness obscured and scattered

A darkness encompassing the brain

A love left shredded and shattered

Anguish flows through crumpled veins

Liquid distress slides down cheeks

Only a shallow emptiness remains

Reviews

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow! For me this piece hit home, I mean I had to read it again, in a lot of ways it describes how I feel. It’s funny how we write something for one reason but it reaches someone differently and I think that what may have happened here. There’s been this girl I’ve been trying to win her heart and yesterday she shot me down a second time. Maybe I’ll try for a third.
Great job, well done.

[Dream Weaver]

This flowed amazingly well, as did the imagery
painted in this piece…Nicely done Kristina…

[StacyPerry]

Vivid and a nice write

[Marie Harrison]

Very moving and emotional write. Loved it~!

[Esoteric Strand]

It’s really interesting to me how a word challenge can really steer the stanzas and set a tone. Maybe it’s a tricky thing to do – devising the word challenge words for us – but I felt that this series pretty much locks the writer in. There should have been a lone word that stood out or was more emotionally neutral, just to throw a poetic monkey-wrench into the mix. But that has nothing really to do with you as a writer.

Unless I’m blind, I think you forgot to use ‘weary.’

Structurally, I’m a sucker for tercets, so no complaints there. But hey, stanzaic form with solid rhymes, I’m there.

The spot of the piece where I felt it fell short, was in the words selected in response to the challenge words. The poem challenges you with ‘MOURNING’ and you see them and raise them a ‘HEART,’ TEARDROPS, FATE and DESTINY.

You are challenged with OBSCURED and ANGUISH. To which you respond with: DARKNESS, DISTRESS and SHREDDED LOVE.

Now, it would be different if you were trying to follow the challenges leads, in an effort to punch through the poetic constraints laid upon you…but it didn’t feel that way. I would have liked if you took the words and really ran with them instead of letting them do the leading. In a sense, using the challenge against itself in order to create something unpredictable.

Sorry for the lengthy review and I apologize if it is muddled and/ or confusing.

Regards,

E

[Jenny Nelson]

I really love that title. Great description that really creates quite a feel of lonliness and sadness. Very strong feel. Excellent.

[Jeff Bresee]

I usually don't like poems that are written to fit any criteria because the act of trying to force one thing or another is usually evident... this is an exception to that. Very nicely done.

[InkSlinger]

Oh my what a tasty little treat!! The feeling of pain draped over ever line. Loneliness etched one the skin, brilliant red ink a constant reminder, tears falling hard, washing over a hollow shell, gutted and left helpless to our own devices..
Well done poem using the prompt assigned..

[The Analog Kid]

The use of liquid (more scientific) goes well with the minimalistic phrasing. I bet Poppy would like this one. Anyway, all the words fit together perfectly to hit home in the last stanza.

[Robin]

great use of the words from the prompt , an evocative write

[OT]

ooo I felt this one!! powerful, poignant and slightly dark - the images of red etched in and eternal flame - powerful images - strong sibilance towards the end helps it speed up and almost in a whisper making it seem stronger!! great poem!!!