Liquid Distress

wrote for creative poetry group using these words Dejection, anguish, obscured, weary, mournful

The heart grows impatient of the wait

Mournful teardrops begin to fall

Is this destiny part of life’s fate

Tattooed forever is one name

Red ink permanently etched

Engulfed by love’s eternal flame

Dejection felt deep in the bone

An ache rooted with sorrowful pain

Helplessly left completely alone

Happiness obscured and scattered

A darkness encompassing the brain

A love left shredded and shattered

Anguish flows through crumpled veins

Liquid distress slides down cheeks

Only a shallow emptiness remains

Reviews

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow! For me this piece hit home, I mean I had to read it again, in a lot of ways it describes how I feel. It’s funny how we write something for one reason but it reaches someone differently and I think that what may have happened here. There’s been this girl I’ve been trying to win her heart and yesterday she shot me down a second time. Maybe I’ll try for a third.
Great job, well done.

[SpokenWord]

I wonder if love is to blame for this? I don't ever understand what happens from the time we meet and fall in love to the time that someone departs leaving the other feeling empty. Is it all ways this way? Will love ever be constant?

You always do well with your style and on your subjects. This poem is no different as you completed your assignment with soaring colors. Great write.

[Moflo]

I like the way you set this one up. Also there's a lot of emotion here, I think its pretty good.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Tattooed forever is one name
Red ink permanently etched
Engulfed by love’s eternal flame

I love that verse to describe the permanents of another individual on the heart... great use of those words to create a beautifully melancholy poem.

[ice]

"Tattooed forever is one name"
The "red ink" reminds me of blood, and what I see here is not an actual tattoo,
but a bleeding through the skin, from too much emotional pressure on the heart.

And I like the idea of tears being morphed into "liquid distress", until everything is empty, and even that is shallow...

Good stuff

ice

[Poeticadia]

Loved the image of the tattoo as a permanent indelible reminder of the love/lover that will not return. It flows beautifully, just like the 'liquid distress' it describes. Great form and rhyme scheme too.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Great sad write! Remarkably done!

[Bette]

pb beautifully written and simply well done

[The Warrior Poet]

This left me standing in water with my finger in a light socket - realizing that I never paid the electric bill

[Crowley]

Man that was a bit of a downer this morning....the desired effect I know, but at 6 am...lol. Excruciatingly painful and sad write, but a very good one. "anguish flows through crumpled veins" nice line. Great job.

[Linear]

Well done, I'm useless doing prompts, I feel constricted within groups, to much expectation, and I find I cant cope, so I do admire this writing skill that you and others posess, thank you and keep on