Cherry Red Stilettos In the Snow

written for Poetry and Lyrical Challenge group

Brilliant white glitters on the ground
Covering the once cement sidewalk
Where many trudge on block by block

Today the scenery is quiet
No footprints marking up the snow
For white powder relentlessly grows

Traffic slows to an agonizing crawl
Yellow cabs stand out on the streets
Hoping the snow they will defeat

A black limo pulls up to the curb
Cherry red stilettos poke out
Shivering with a pointy pout

Revealing long slender toned legs
A woman dressed all in black
Ethereal elegance she does not lack

A fur lined ebony cape
Encloses her sexy curves
But not her shaky nerves

Reviews

[Poeticadia]

'Shivering with a pointy pout' is a great line and it hints at the 'shaky nerves' hidden behind the showy elegance at the end. There's a whole narrative in the silence after the last line, left to the readers imagination... and the scene with its sharp colours has been set for us to do the rest.

Agree just a little with enzo in that if inverted word order can be replaced with natural order - and new rhymes or even slant rhymes can be found instead - it does improve the sound of the poem (especially when the visual imagery is so good to start with!)

[Nathan Thompson]

Great, wonderful Iambic style and very visually written. The snow was an excellent metaphor for cocaine, I assume that was where you were going with it? Is that explain her "shaky nerves?" I thought this was beautifully written and my new years day was better for reading it. Thank you for sharing.

[InkSlinger]

Okay, always enjoy the imagery that you paint.. but, I was waiting to see where the poem was going. It does give us some insight with you setting up the scene, but myself I had a hard time finding the message here.

[Esoteric Strand]

Nice observational poem, although I think the diction could use a slight shot in the arm. The introduction of the mysterious woman really makes the piece more interesting.

As far as structure, I'm a fan of tight rhyming, so the tercets are much appreciated. :)

The only part I didn't care for and found a tad cringe-worthy was the line:

Ethereal elegance she does not lack

I felt the backwards speech was shoehorned to complete the rhyme.

Overall, a quality piece.

Regards,

Enzo

[Robin]

nice story telling with the images cast by your words ,

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Excellent imagery, the picture was so vividly written!

[StacyPerry]

the first review of 2011 and a nice one it is my dear. Good write.

[Linear]

Vivid picture painted with words, but red shoe's wiyh black dress, what do I know

[Marie Harrison]

What an entrance she made. I'm sure she'll be nice and warm very soon! Nice poem. You painted a clear picture and set the mood too.