Lonely Vixen

written for Picture this group

Ebony hair flowing down her back
Saucy hips swaying to the beat
Moving with rhythm tapping her feet

Perky breast slightly exposed
Men gaze with drooling need and hearts
Pushing them away before, it starts

Vixen beauty who doesn't want company
Dressed all in sleek sexy black
While she slightly arches her back

Lonely wishing to have her love again
Craving only his hungry gaze
Mind in a needful, sorrowful haze

Pushing away all futile attempts
No other man, her attention, gets
Why must her fragile heart give her fits    

Reviews

[The Warrior Poet]

OK fine - let her dance alone then - I was hoping she'd say no - I, uh, don't like to dance anyway. I can handle rejection. DT. That's all I have to say.

On a serious note - as others have said specifically about this poem and the gets/fits bend, I give you a word of advice (at the risk of being a hypocrite (forgive me)): The rhythm and rhyme in your poems should be like the paint on the wall. When people notice it, it's usually a bad thing, unless it is an absolutely amazing and stunning thing. It's the pictures and paintings hanging on the wall you want people to notice.

[GTVile]

Very strong. I like how it sends two messages simultaneously. It shows how the speaker dominates the hearts of the weak but has a weakness of her own. Excellent.

[Devons]

This really gives the image a human personality, and a glimpse perhaps of a certain kind of psychology in the process. We would not often credit this woman for being anything other than a sexual animal, but underneath there may be all kinds of mixed-up emotion which drives her behaviour. Her actions aren't necessarily a logical defence for her longing soul -since they are lascivious- but there are many women who react in much the same way and on a scale of prevalence that we are rarely made aware of or given to understand.
The poem evokes both the physical and the spiritual nature of her dance, and gives a 3-dimensional imagery and pathos which somehow endears the reader to her identity. I can understand AK's point (below) concerning the last line, but in a way I think the fact that the mis-rhyme emphasises the point the poem is making by contrasting with the others is rather significant. And in a sense it questions her motives, which makes one look deeper than her superficiality.
A thoughtful, human, and intriguing piece.

[luciddreamer]

Really nice write...fits the picture perfectly :)
Peace
Robin

[The Analog Kid]

The poem certainly fits the picture. Very sultry, wanting, and a bit melancholy. The only thing that bothered me was "gets/fits" in the last stanza. Good luck in the contest:)

[StacyPerry]

Nice write

[Dream Weaver]

Nicely done Kristina. I enjoyed this
write very much...

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful and strong words in this poem. Your description made the girl come alive. I believe woman always have the power to be content or drive men crazy. N o weakness in this poetry. A powerful and outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote