Distant Beauty

for creative poetry group

Her saucy hips wiggle swaying to and fro
Blue icy eyes seem quite blank and distant
with no glimmer nor sparkle a disrupting
glow.

She saunters across the dimly lit bar
orders a strong whiskey to quickly drink
shot glass in hand, setting down keys to
her car.

Sardonic smile forms wide on her beautiful
face throws back a shot quickly it is downed
paying suddenly, leaving she's gone without
a trace.

Pathos expressions fill the smoke filled room
splendor was vaporized from the seedy place
leaving drunkards feeling melancholy gloom.

Imagining the woman has done this before
she confidently walks in, and then vanishes
her tale is that of rural country folklore.

They entered the bar to have a few drinks
chatted with all the friendly folks familiar
leaving the bar he turns around and winks

Boyfriend behind the wheel, heading towards
town, car skids our of control on the gravel
road she flies into the pond and does drown.

Once a vibrant young beauty for all to behold
now she hauntingly appears at the hole in the
wall bar entering in the door then fades leaving

it cold

Reviews

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

wow this poem read like a short story. it had me hooked from start to the amazing finish. you used those word cleverly from the group. loved this. its interesting to see how individuals all had completely different versions of poems using the same words in it. You did a fantastic job here making this poem come to life and oh i could feel the chill in the air after she left the bar. great imagery here!!!

[Steve]

Cool! I wasnt expecting that! I was assuming this to be an erotic piece......espeically with the beginning as it was. I like your story telling ability.....

[Dream Weaver]

Nicely penned, hauntingly Fantastic...

[Mauricio Montoya]

Visual communication in this piece.
Great job well done.

[Dark Lady Phoenix]

I really could see this! Good job!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this story. You create a very strong character and scene. The description made the story come alive. I like these type of the story and the ending. Thank you for a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Immortal1967]

I like this, and the twist at the end of her being a ghost...good job :D

[Crusaderscross]

This poem reads like a the beginning of a very good story. I feel that this woman is already gone and looking back on how she lived. Basically remembering the life she had. The flow is good. You should really turn this into a short story. Good job.

[Sean M. Addams]

wow!!! very deep and tragic but i thought you did well on this .. like how it reads like a story..nice job ..