Distant Beauty

for creative poetry group

Her saucy hips wiggle swaying to and fro
Blue icy eyes seem quite blank and distant
with no glimmer nor sparkle a disrupting
glow.

She saunters across the dimly lit bar
orders a strong whiskey to quickly drink
shot glass in hand, setting down keys to
her car.

Sardonic smile forms wide on her beautiful
face throws back a shot quickly it is downed
paying suddenly, leaving she's gone without
a trace.

Pathos expressions fill the smoke filled room
splendor was vaporized from the seedy place
leaving drunkards feeling melancholy gloom.

Imagining the woman has done this before
she confidently walks in, and then vanishes
her tale is that of rural country folklore.

They entered the bar to have a few drinks
chatted with all the friendly folks familiar
leaving the bar he turns around and winks

Boyfriend behind the wheel, heading towards
town, car skids our of control on the gravel
road she flies into the pond and does drown.

Once a vibrant young beauty for all to behold
now she hauntingly appears at the hole in the
wall bar entering in the door then fades leaving

it cold

Reviews

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

wow this poem read like a short story. it had me hooked from start to the amazing finish. you used those word cleverly from the group. loved this. its interesting to see how individuals all had completely different versions of poems using the same words in it. You did a fantastic job here making this poem come to life and oh i could feel the chill in the air after she left the bar. great imagery here!!!

[.]

didnt see the end coming at all..it is like a short flash fiction poem..well written

[SpokenWord]

Very well done and executed. I think most here have captured the beauty of this write. Perfect.

[Robin]

nice , I like the folk tale , urban legend twist ..

[HorrorMaster]

An outstanding poem that sound like a short story.

[Emily B]

a wrinkle in time, places remember and repeat an action from long ago . . . I hang out in historic places, I've seen lots of things

[kewlbluetiger]

Wow this is great! It's so well thought out. I really enjoyed the part about country folklore, because it gave this poem a whole life of it's own. That you're not only tellin' this story, but that it's real in some sense. Chilling!

Great job getting the words in. The work was so great I didn't even realize until I read it through twice that this was submitted for the word challenge. Rawr! AWESOME.

[Bette]

great story-poem

[Ladysue]

This was a great tale...A compelling write...very well done..

[Ice QueenJen]

A ghostly imagery of a past patron returning to the scene. I too was hooked from the start, and loved how each part flowed.

The only part I think you misspelled a word on is in the line -"town, car skids our of control on the gravel " the word our - should be 'out'. Otherwise a very well written prose!

[Cheryl J. Turner]

This is very different but absolutely had me hooked from start to finish - I was enchanted and heartbroken for the girl. Fabulous writing!