Shadows in the Night

The back alley was dark and littered with paper from the big black dumpsters that; had been left open.  Why I put myself through this kind of torture, I had no idea, but it was the shortest way home.  On occasion, I ran across a homeless person who was rummaging around one of the massive garbage containers.  This alley was located behind a couple of restaurants and contained the leftover food from those establishments. 

Tonight though, it was quiet, a little too quiet for my liking.  I preferred to hear noises and see people when I ventured down the eerie back street.  It kept my mind from running wild. People were always warning me that women should not walk down dark alleys alone at night, but I could take care of myself.  What others did not know was that I was one of the creatures that people feared; that people told stories about my species to scary children while sitting around a campfire.  I was a monster, a living, breathing creature of legend.  I was what most would call a vampire.  Humans should not fear me for I would not harm them.  I am not an official vampire, but I am what people think of as the living dead.  The real deal is much worse.

Most humans had no idea what true creatures of the night were like.  The real blood suckers of this world are not like me.   The official vampires are serial killers that live for the pure thrill of the hunt.  They are cunning and even smarter than, I.  They are adrenaline junkies that live for the moment, not necessarily for the kill.  They would end your existence  but your demise would not be a quick one.

Lost in thought I continued to walk toward home.  Food smells lingered in the air from the cafes; they were served in.  My mouth watered uncontrollably.   Then out of the shadows in of the night, hidden quietly crouched and waiting it struck.  How could I have been so careless?   The 200 lb, 6'8 vampire was on me.  I knew the more I struggled, the harder the creature would fight.  It would feed off the adrenaline rush it got from the resistance that I had countered the attack with.  All I could see was the pale blue eyes that were almost white.  The rest of its body blended in perfectly with the shadows. I could not make out its’ body even though it sat on top of me.

..........

The next thing I was aware of was the fact that I was hanging from a stoned wall with thick chains.  Blood poured down my head, but I could not get my arms down, far enough to wipe the thick iron smelling fluid from eyes.  It was cold, damp and I could hear the water that dripped from the ceiling in the moisture-filled room.  Then I sensed it, hidden in the shadows was my attacker, waiting patiently to strike again.

Hunched over in the corner of the musty wet, basement was the true vampire lurking, waiting.  What I did not understand was why it was hiding from me.  It should be out in the open, for I posed no threat, since I was chained to the wall.

It was like a statue, unmoving, the only reason I had noticed it in the first place was, because I could hear its breath slowly inhaling and exhaling.  My senses were honed perfectly and fifty times stronger than that of the human species.  Even with my extraordinary perception of my surroundings, I could not smell the dead walker for the vapor-filled air was laden with mildew and the smell of rotten flesh.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of agonizing anticipation, my captor stood up in human form, and moved to the center of the room where I could see its figure.  It was a male for I could smell the testosterone that his body had secreted.  His face was long and angular.  A sharp almost beak like nose protruded from its face.  Thin high arched eyebrows rose acutely above the hollow sunken in eyes.  Dark circles the shade of charcoal gray, graced the underneath of silver colored eye, that shown with intelligence.  Long auburn colored hair hung in silken strands below his shoulders. 

He was massively muscular and exuded dominance that was overpowering and frightening.  This was no fledgling; he had to be over a century old, or he was a master vampire.   His skin was slightly sun kissed with an almost caramel hue.  No, young one could have a skin tone like this, for they had restrictions, limiting their exposure to the sunlight.  The longer they existed; the more they adapted to the ultraviolet rays of the blazing orb in the sky.

There was little fear in me as I hung from the silver chains bleeding.  I had been in this type of situation before and I wasn't scared.  Well, maybe just a little for this vampire was stronger than the others I had encountered, but not terrified like I should have been.

As he walked slowly in my direction I held my breath for what seemed like forever.  I could smell his scent.  A mixture of sandalwood and damp basement; not a good combination.  It had my stomach doing somersaults.  I thought I might heave all over myself; which would have made the stench in this foul loathsome place even worse.  It also would show weakness in the eyes of the predator, and I knew that I couldn't allow that to happen so I took a few deep calming breath threw my mouth in order to keep my stomach contents where they should be.

Once he was almost face to face with me, could see the gleam of excitement in his eyes.  He smiled a crooked evil smile that showed raw, evil malicious toward me.  I kept my eyes locked with his psychotic unblinking stare.

"Lexi Knowland we know who you are and the crimes you have committed against your own race.  I was sent to retrieve you and hang you here until the trial before the council.  What I need from you is to give me your guilty plea.  Once you say that you are guilty then I can move you to the upper quarters where you will await your trial by your piers.  Do I know have your plea of guilt?"  He asked in a deep voice that echoed of the stone walls in the basement.

"Never!  I have never been guilty of committing crimes against my own race, for your race has no control over me.  I am not vampire, nor am I human.  Now release me.  You have no jurisdiction over me or my life."  I demanded in an even firm tone.

"You are under our jurisdiction.  You always have been.  You are that which walks that night no longer living.  You are as much part for our race as I am.  What say you now?"  He asked calmly with a flat glare.

"I'm not guilty, and you are mistaken.  I am not part of your world.  I never have been.  I have been through this before, and your laws don't apply to me, so you have to release me.  I know your laws."

"Oh, but you are part of our race, more that you know.  Your life is ours to deal out judgment.  The moment will come when you shall have the information that we do.  You are more vampire than I am and my father was ninety-five percent pure breed in a long line of creatures of the night.  I shall give you one more night before asking you for your plea once again."  He said with an evil smile that graced his lips.  Then he vanished from my sight leaving chained to the wall where the silver chain were beginning to cause my skin to blister.

Author's Note

This is a short story that I am thinking about turning into a book later. I have two books that I am currently working on. One is a co-author project and the other I am doing on my own, but at some point I think I shall add more to this story.

Reviews

[Constance-Outspoken]

The first thing I notice is the first line... litter should be littered, if I've read the sentence correctly.
The second thing I notice is how you have described the scene fairly well, and I was becoming interested in what would happen. Your description of the male goes into two paragraphs, and perhaps is a bit too much considering the length of the story, especially since it happens right at the end.
Overall, enjoyable to read and, as Creepy Blue said, technically better than 95% of what one could randomly read on the cafe.
Nicely done!

[KHBarr]

Your first semicolon should just be removed; only use semicolons when they separate two independent sentences. You want to say scare children not scary children. "Food smells lingered in the air from the cafes; they were served in." just cut from the semi colon on. The semi colon is incorrect, the words following the semicolon are redundant, and the sentence ends in a preposition.

I think the story as a whole could be improved if you were able to avoid telling us so much directly. This might be a personal opinion, but I have trouble staying engaged when I am bombarded with all the things I will need to know all at once.

[The Perfectionist]

First paragraph of second 'part', you don't need a comma after 'down'. Ditto a paragraph later after 'was'

Also, her trial is by her 'peers' not her 'piers'

Well, the story is interesting, but I'm kind of disappointed. I've come to expect much better writing than this from you. This frequently feels childish and is at some points really very badly written. Your word choice is juvenile and your grammar, while not exactly wrong, is never really anything above passable.

I'm not terribly surprised though, because I've seen mostly poetry from you and prose is a different style altogether. All you need is plenty more practice.

[Mauricio Montoya]

This story caught my attention because I was once homeless so the back alleys and dumpsters diving is part of life so I read on. I like this story cause I can visual what you describe in detail because I’ve roam the streets many a time nice job well done.

[Katie Louise Hughes]

I really like the description of the other vampire. I also think that it got more interesting as I read on. Overall, great write. Keep it up, and I would keep writing to see what comes out! :) Thanks!
Also - I'm not sure- but the first paragraph may have some tense errors?

[Soul Magic✯]

your visuals in this piece is very creative and brilliant... i enjoyed reading this ink. stay hot :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh damn that was intense and riveting... I love the build up, very dramatic and pulse pounding... you should turn it into a book.

[Crowley]

Nice description, super dark and a captivating story line...I am in agreement, I would flesh it out and make it something longer, give yourself some room for awesome characterization and you will have the recipe for a great longer story. Nice job I like it.

[Sean M. Addams]

i liked this very creative and i thought the storyline was great... nice detail in this ..overall i thought you did a splendid job on this...nice work!!!

[Bette]

i like the add on and the few changes you made. well done