Love Conquer's Inner Demons

I wanted to conquer the world,
But hopes drifted and swirled.
Changing dreams along with thoughts,
Life interfering with lessons taught.

The rainbow seemed to fade in color.
The trials of life now seem to smother,
Leaving hopes shaded in colors of gray,
And the mind in shambles with disarray.

The jasmine no longer has it sweet scent.
Passion gone for it has long been spent,
But the heart pulses and keeps beating,
With sorrow now easing and depleting.

The incubus tries to quietly slip in,
But the conqueror won't let the heart sin.
Love begins risings showing it's full display
Whether you want it or not, I'm here to stay.

Author's Note

This is the poem I wrote for this week's creative poetry group. These are the words I had to use: rainbow, incubus, conquer, astonish, jasmine. If you find any errors please let me know. I am trying to become better at punctuation and grammar.

Reviews

[Millionth Muse]

It's always amazing to read these word challenge poems, because people using the same words come up with such different art. Brilliantly done...I absolutely love everything about this piece!!!! So, so, so enchanting!!!!

As for your punctuation...it's tough in this piece, because the lines aren't necessarily complete sentences. Personally, in this piece I would avoid periods all together and only use commas when you do have a single complete sentence that carries over two lines--like you can keep the comma after "world" in the first line, but I would lose the periods.

[Abhinav]

i love this poem....the rhyming was spot on,and the meaning was clear.....awesome writez

[MissWordSmith]

this was terrific writing.

[Subjective Sanity]

"But the conqueror won't the the heart sin." I think this was supposed to be 'let the heart sin', right? Anyway, I think it is beautiful and I can totally relate. You did a terrific job incorporating all those words. I don't think I would have been able to do it. BRAVO!!!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem. Like a poem from the days of myths and legions. A very good poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Dillon Cotter]

A awesome piece here. I don't know where to start. The style here is different yet enjoyable. You also have good meanings, yet things we learn and figure out from your writings. Overall, a favorite of mine here.

-Will

[HorrorMaster]

You are so good, I love this poem

[Bette]

once again i like this, you know i cant give you advice on the punctuation. i just see the hole picture, and the point your trying to get across well done my friend.