Love Conquer's Inner Demons

I wanted to conquer the world,
But hopes drifted and swirled.
Changing dreams along with thoughts,
Life interfering with lessons taught.

The rainbow seemed to fade in color.
The trials of life now seem to smother,
Leaving hopes shaded in colors of gray,
And the mind in shambles with disarray.

The jasmine no longer has it sweet scent.
Passion gone for it has long been spent,
But the heart pulses and keeps beating,
With sorrow now easing and depleting.

The incubus tries to quietly slip in,
But the conqueror won't let the heart sin.
Love begins risings showing it's full display
Whether you want it or not, I'm here to stay.

Author's Note

This is the poem I wrote for this week's creative poetry group. These are the words I had to use: rainbow, incubus, conquer, astonish, jasmine. If you find any errors please let me know. I am trying to become better at punctuation and grammar.

Reviews

[Millionth Muse]

It's always amazing to read these word challenge poems, because people using the same words come up with such different art. Brilliantly done...I absolutely love everything about this piece!!!! So, so, so enchanting!!!!

As for your punctuation...it's tough in this piece, because the lines aren't necessarily complete sentences. Personally, in this piece I would avoid periods all together and only use commas when you do have a single complete sentence that carries over two lines--like you can keep the comma after "world" in the first line, but I would lose the periods.

[Lost, n'MT]

I read this piece before I read the Author's note, and I was both surprised and impressed. Surprised because this truly felt like a poem about a free-spirited soul that wanted to change the world... However along the way, the demons of the world or perhaps the demons of humanity/life had broken her spirit and darkened her outlook on the world so much that it repressed her desires to be that kind-spirited soul that came into this world looking to change this world and humanity for the better.

I say impressed because of the fact that you had written this for a poetry group with guidelines and having to use words while taking the reader (myself in particular) into what I felt to be a real-life tenuous journal captured in four stanzas completely oblivious that any words were required as nothing felt forced whatsoever. I think that makes for the best poetry, and while there or may be a lot of truth behind this piece, it is well written and beautifully expressed nonetheless. No grammatical errors that I noticed, and a very well executed rhyming scheme with a good flow. Very well done! Thank you fro sharing this piece, and I hope the poetry group ended up being a pleasurable experience, I wish I had been courageous to stay in my poetry group back in college but fear and insecurities had gotten the best of me. I look forward to reading more of your writings, and I hope to see you and more of your writings in 2016.

[Poetic Beauty]

It has been a long time since I have written anything let alone anything of this substance. Hoping to change that soon.

[ICE]

Lovely write!

[kewlbluetiger]

Really powerful message. Love the incubus stanza that you brought the whole thing home with. Man are we tempted when we hit our lows! Rekindle it "In The name of Love!"

[bluessadmood]

this is nice,we all feel weakness at times..but it should never take over
the world is mine,i know it slipped away many times
hopes all faded,dreams like slept away
hopes like being buried so deep
they lost their color and my mind is weak
but i have to rise ,still have my strength
will never let it take over me
i know i could be strong again
i ve done it before and i will do it again
very thoughtful write..lovely thoughts
lovely write..

[alesuriko]

Beautifully written. I loved the rhyme pattern. Although "Love begins risings" doesn't sound entirely comfortable to the ears. I liked it though, very nice.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Love can also be your demon but I so love the wonderful way you expressed the good in it... and the creative way you used those words is brilliant... nice job.

[Dana Kathryn]

This is an Amazing write,very well done!!! :)

[The Analog Kid]

Again, stylistically, I see a definite difference in precision and clarity of your writing. Great job with the use of the words. I am still trying to decide what to do:)

[Jenny Nelson]

Very nice! Reads well, strong descriptive words, and really good use of the assigned words. Very nice and hopeful sentiment.