Echos

The echo of time keep resounding
Filling my ears of what could have been
Telling me how foolishly immature, I was back then

Thought consume ravaging the mind
Echoing emotions that were of yesterday
"Never should have left, should have wanted to stay"

Cumbersome thoughts floating
Lingering around within the brain
Echoing the travesty in the heart that does remain

The echo flushes out love
Raising in volume to never give up
Shouting in earnest, be patient wait on love's golden cup

Don't surrender till the end
The echo yelling in the sensitive ear
"Put those swords up, don't give into fear"

Battle for love and fate
Keep defending  the front line
Mind echoing, "Claim what belongs only to thine"

Author's Note

flush, cumbersome, echo, travesty, ravage are the words I had to incorporate into this poem. This was a bit of a challenge for me. I started working on this poem yesterday.

Reviews

[Belator Books]

A courageous piece of admitting weakness and failing and striving onward toward a better tomorrow. A human plight and shared by all.

You, like me, tend to put commas in the wrong places. The first stanza's last line holds one just past immature. Then twice more your commas should be made into semi-colons, or simply erased:

"Never should have left, should have wanted to stay"
And
"Put those swords up, don't give into fear"

[R E Tree]

I like how you have used the words in this poem. My favourite line "Echoing the travesty in the heart that does remain" that line sounds so inspiring. This poem is so well planned. I enjoyed every stanza and looking back at this poem it is a lesson to learn

[Mauricio Montoya]

Those choice of words actually come together well.
Nice work.

[aftervision]

for i feel the same way -- when i wore a younger mans clothes i was a mess but failed to see it until i got older -- wonderful poem

[ICE]

I thinks its a very human thing to look back on life and go'I should have done this differently'.

[alesuriko]

Nicely written, good use of the words. I like the use of "thine" gives a good ending to the poem.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

When it comes to the heart we make so many wrong decisions... I can certainly relate to this marvelous piece.

[Coyote Poetry]

Poem is amazing. I had to read it a few times to grasp everything. The past teaches us to be careful and safe. Ain't no fun being careful and safe. I like the complete poem. Ending was very good. Thank you.
Coyote

[Frantzuu]

The echo flushes out love
Raising in volume to never give up
Shouting in earnest, be patient wait on love's golden cup

this is is so complex but beautiful. The way u worded that makes it great, your style of writing is unique. :)

[The Water Queen]

well written. brilliant job:)