Desert Thirst

Lost in the middle of the dry desert heat,
with sand burning from the inferno's fire.
Wind blowing; causing my blisters to weep,
but the pain fuels my inner-most fierce desires.

Insatiable is the thirst that’s consumes from within,
mouth like sandpaper, cracking like the  eroded land
My mind is clouded as it begins to rapidly spin,            
then sinks into the fiery- submerging in grains of sand

My hands are cracked, covered with crimson blood
My knees are damage, covered in pink keloid scars.
Yet my yearning is stronger than need for a flood,
unlike the land that is desolate, black and charred

If I reach out to the one that I completely love;
would he rescue me from this burning land?
Or could our wild passion, he now be devoid of
Leaving me lost forever, with a love disband

Reviews

[InkSlinger]

Overall I liked where you were going with this.. but I have to agree with more seasoned influential writers when they say it feels choppy... I liked it overall, but it lacks a simplicity that allows the verses to roll off your tongue. Still a worthy effort!

[ICE]

I love the imagry in this piece. It makes me feel like I'm there...in the moment of it all. Great piece! It had a wonderful flow!

[Frantzuu]

stunning poem, it paints a picture in my head which is great. This is one of my favs. Great job. XD

[MissWordSmith]

WOW! thats all I can say. the poem says the rest

[alesuriko]

Wonderful imagery! It's so explicit in everything, touch, sight, hearing, I can almost taste the sand and feel it crawling into my blistered skin that hasn't even been damaged. I especially liked the line "The deep yearning is stronger than need for a flood." It is so desperate and self-sacrificing, saying that they would be willing to strive for the thing they wanted most rather than be replenished by health and grow into an entirely different land. This is definitely my favorite of your poems. I simply adore it.

[~ tides ~]

I can appreciate the extreme symbolism in this piece. Agree with Pat that there's definitely more depth to it than implied by the title.

Very nice... gj.

[DBURKE]

This poem made me feel desperate and thirsty as heck lol! I love how you build the feeling of desperation then introduce love making one feel that way awsome poem!

[Millionth Muse]

I like that you are using the desert and the scalding heat almost as a metaphor for what love can do to us...cause us to bleed and burn and feel immense pain as we wait to be rescued by the one that we love. I think this is really a beautiful idea, and with some cleaning up I think it could be absolutely stunning.

Suggestions: I think you could clean this up a little in terms of cutting down on some of the words and possibly taking a closer look at your word choice. For instance, in the first four lines you used the word "sand" twice...maybe think about changing up a few words,taking a few words out, etc.

For instance:
Lost amidst the dry desert heat
Sand burning from the inferno’s fire
Blowing wind causing my blisters to weep
Fiercely fueling my secret desire

[Tina Kline]

Great imagery in this. The desperation and need comes through in a powerful way. Nice job!

[The Analog Kid]

Some great word choices here. There is more depth than the title implies! The imagery is perfect for the story you are trying to tell...

Also, the phrases are very balanced. Nice write!

Patrick

[Bette]

i love this. out of all you have written i think that this one is my fav. you go girl.