It Won't Matter

My feelings towards where I'm going and the pressure to be certain in what I want to do, for college and a career, and in life.

The future is so scary

I try not to think

I blink and stare

And my mind goes to a place

In the comfort of empty familiarity

I grasp what is around me

And what is in the moment

Later it won't matter

Later it won't matter

Pushed to another point

And there it won't matter

We learn s**t and grow stunted

I try to remember the last time I felt fulfilled

And secure

I want adventure and security but it doesn't work like that 

Not anymore

The galaxy is too big for both of us

I need to throw you away

And think about who I am

I should know right

Go out to eat with my mains every night

Later it won't matter

Later it won't matter

Pushed to another place

And there it won't matter

Can I cry

Is that an option

No I can't

That's just destruction

To my precious reputation

That I work so hard to destroy

In order to deploy my carefree image

Across the screen

I want to be happy

But it's not f*****g simple

You can't have nirvana

You can only have contentment

That's dangerous too

Cause you need motivation

And soon the paradoxes will force you into submission

Later it won't matter

Later it won't matter

To society

And there it won't matter

Be normal 

Like like like

Text text text

Where did my identity go?!

I really want it back

My parents seem parallel

Not intertwined with my life

I'm in tandem with my basic high school vanilla double shot preppy hipster trash types

Our generation desires one thing

To be different

But with everyone being different they still are all the same

Later it won't matter

Later it won't matter

Stuck in a bubble of ambivalence

And there it won't matter

How do we know what to do with ourselves now?

I'm still as lost as I ever was

Lana Del Rey is my symbol for freedom

And I model myself after Patti Smith

But where do I go now?

I can't hitchhike

On the Road was at the pinnacle of the American Dream time

Now it's just a forgotten aesthetic

What about hitchbike

And then hitchdie

Confused and hitchfried

Follow your dreams, they say

Be practical, they say

Stand out, they say

Conform

Be norm

Just kidding

Lose form 

I'm tearing apart and leaving now

Unsure and fearful of how

To be what I want

Ignorant or indecisive or both

I don't f*****g know

Help help help

No they don't care

They say

Later it won't matter

Later it won't matter

Their lives will go on

And there it won't matter

It matters to me now

I'm hoping to know

I don't want to screw up

Death of a forlorn

Gaunt and vile world 

I'm stuck in a rut

What path should I take?

Taking the wrong one will fail some

Later it won't matter

Later it won't matter

You're selfish in your glass house

And there it won't matter