Death of the Fallen Angel

Pain set heavy in your eyes,
Shimmering tears I despise,
Cascading waterfalls down your cheeks,
Beginning rivulets and tracks across them.

 

Red veins contrast against sparkling blue pools.
Susurration; pounding ears,
Flying fireworks in your eyes;
Beginning the spread of pieces and flames across them.

 

Quivering lips of rosy red;
Unintentional shows of hurt.
Porcelain earthquakes jerking the flawless skin,
Beginning cliffs and rifts across them.

 

Glinting metal; a sharpened silver
Held in the grasp of delicate fingertips.
Gracefully gliding across the fair wrists;
Behold the death of the fallen angel.

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this during my summer class today, while everyone else was blah-blah-ing about adenosine triphosphate. Jeez, I hate Bio with a passion. Anywhoo;; I am really proud of this peice (although I'm sort of unsure about the last stanza,) and I'd love all of you to give me some constructive criticism and reviews, please!
--Jenn

Reviews

[emily]

Wow that was gourgeously written! I normally ignore read requests but this one drew me right in. The concept of the fallen angel is one that is automatically interesting, but you've added levels here that I never thought about. The whole this just flows in a beautiful and heartbreaking way.

If this is what you can do in spare time during bio (believe me I know what you mean, I once plotted out two book sequels during chem) I am going to look at what else you can do! :-D

[Vaishali..^_^]

wow..!!that was amazing. .. very well penned piece.. .
you did a great job. . .
thanks for sharing.. . :)

[Aislinn Gryffin ((Ashes..]

WOw. I love the easy flow of this. Easy isnt the right word...Natural. That's the word I'm looking for. It has a beautiful, natural flow to it and it read wonderfully. GREAT pice, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to reading it. Keep up the amazing work!!!
Tru

[Becca*Type2012]

You have out done yourself again (as usual). I LOVED IT! And i can definately tell that you wrote it (with you snd your super descriptive style). I loved it!

[Jo]

Wow, you've certainly got a talent for flow and description. This is really beautiful. I really enjoy contrast of something so terrible as suicide in the last paragraph and having it written so beautiful. That's talent, I could never do that myself and I'm glad to have read this! I've also learned a new word today :) "Susurration"
Flawless write!

[Tori]

wow, this amazing. Deep, descriptive, amazing detaii. I love the very last paragraph thing when you described the metal and sharp silver. As terrible as the action is, you make it sound like such a beautiful thing. BRAVO!!!

[Livana Lowell]

On the second line, why did you say I despise when you're talking about the death of a fallen angel. If you're observing it, I could understand, but besides that, it's pretty good. It sent a good thrill through my veins, I'll have to admit.