The Planet You Call Penis

Taken from my chapbook Travelogue

We arrive in Cozumel

and get on a boat for Playa Del Carmen

Once we arrive our tour guide

takes us through the streets to a bus

the bus is parked next to a wall

that has broken glass cemented to the top

that’s used as a intruder deterrent

We get on the bus and head to the Mayan ruins

it’s about a 30-40 min. bus trip

So along the way our tour guide

tells us about Mayan culture

We make a pit stop

for souvenirs and bathroom break

they have free Tequila shots

it’s about 8:30 in the morning

I shoot one down and boy it’s smooth

I LOVE being on vacation

We buy a few souvenirs and get on the bus

We eventually arrive at the parking area

which is about a mile from the ruins

many of us opt to walk to the site, us included

We arrive at the security gate

and pay $4 for the use of our video camera

it doesn’t make sense that they charge for video but you can take

as many pictures you want for free

but we’re on vacation so who cares

We go through the gate and walk up some steps

and for no apparent reason

walk right down another set of steps

We go through a small opening in the wall

and enter the Mayan ruins of Tulum

Our guide tells us many interesting things

like that the name Tulum means Stinky Earth

because of the sulfur in the dirt

but historians got the name wrong

and the real name meant Place of the Sun God

Our guide speaks English really well

but has a thick accent,

his V’s sound like P’s

He’s telling us that Mayans were astronomers

and when he talks about

the planet we call Venus

 

my wife almost chokes to death on her water

 

So much for history and culture