to my love

a poem for another

Dream through this deathly night,

Shake the chains of life

 

Jump into the shower my love,

And I’ll turn out the light

 

All the days of happiness and good,

Cannot repair all the guilt

 

Let us not forget our inhibitions,

Run into a prairie of passion

 

Can we not bury our differences?

Are we not allowed to change?

 

Through the pathway we are chosen,

Past the alter we will stand

Author's Note

i hope u enjoyed

Reviews

[FlawedByDesign]

I'll agree with The Black Iris, of The's review, in that you can surely do better. The poem feels a little empty, however, I dont have a problem with the form and the slight rhyme.
It's hard to piece together the shower with a "prairie of passion" and going, from that said passion, to "burying our differences" and "the pathway we have chosen", is kind of a stretch, as there is no unifying thing between them.

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

boldly inspiring...it is good persuasive poem:)

[Erin]

Good vocab choice and the way you spaced your lines is good. I liked the tone a lot -- it helps with your overall message. Nice job.
PBP

[A.r. Bazian]

you can do a lot better mate! the emotion is nice! but the structure is not my preference, you know i dont click well with free rhyme/flow and unstructured poetry!
i mean you wrote poems that are a thousand times better than this one!

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime we need a slow night to work out the problems. A very good poem. I like the pace and the story in the words. Last two lines told the story. We can chose to heal and go forward. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Dionysios]

Very interesting style once again combined with an intensifying flow that accurately reaches a climax and gives way to a beautiful resolution in the last strophe.
Regarding your introductory verse: Is the night really "deathly"? I would opt for something low-key as a description of the night here. I find "deathly" too dramatic.