ramble locks

here is what goes through my mind half the time.

i am in a room i have no want to be in. my mood is indifferent but my eyes read somber. the woman preaching and praising the college website i'm supposed to be using is on a mantra of "just wait a second and i'll show you." i'm surprised i didn't skip but, i made a promise. i'm surprised i kept this promise.

 

my last class i did nothing and i don't know where i'm going with it. usually i need a point to what i do. lately, i've found i've been acting sparatically. making decisions on a whim. not thinking things out. i am afraid i am on a track of a downward spiral. my mom keeps nudging me, prodding me with the fact that you only have one chance. i only have one chance to pass highschool, to succeed, to make something of myself. it frightens me that lately i've found i don't care. i've already messed up my first two years, and am on the way to ruining my third.

 

i feel like unhappiness is slowly dripping into my life. it's inhibiting the veins of my livelyhood. it's posion. it's diminishing my happiness and the root of my troubles. i could turn this around, i think. i could find the antitdote to the misery. yet, i sit in wait, not taking action.

 

why. why do i not turn this around? why do i sit here in agony, watching my life fall tragically to ruins? why do i sit here complaining, when i could be the solution? i don't know why. i need to change.

 

am i worth changing?

Reviews

[patricia]

loved this stream of consciousness piece. Though it reads as someone afraid and non self accepting I had to admire the creativiness in your search. Hope you will give yourself a break. I am sure you are fine just as you are. You sound intelligent, sensitive and earnest to me. Thanks.