Prologue

           Courage goes with love. Courage and love, when combined, create a force�"a special force that even the wisest man could never fathom. So, whether you are in love with a person, or perhaps seeking love within yourself, you need these two abstract feelings.

I learned this wisdom from loving someone who I never thought would come and change my life. Indeed, life is full of surprises. One moment you were only sipping coffee and the next, you were already in love. That happened to me when I fell for a special girl�"the girl who taught me that love is never enough; that love is completely nothing without courage…

For you to understand better, let me start from that fateful night when my crazy best friend bribed me to attend someone’s birthday party. The only problem was, I was never close friends with the celebrant.

The fact that Kelly, the crazy best friend I was telling you about, dragged me into that party was driving me nuts... and being tipsy didn't help. Several times I stumbled as I walked slowly towards the entrance, hopelessly gripping anything that would surely help me stand on my feet.

For you see, after taking several shots of beer and gin, everything already felt wobbly. The disco lights didn't help either. I blinked my eyes many times because the red and yellow lights blinded my eyesight. We've been in that karaoke room for four hours! The whole place was too loud and smelled of beer. People were shouting and singing along as they took their shots.

And all the time I was feeling so out of place.

Kelly was on the microphone when I decided to leave my seat. Squinting her eyes, she tried to weave a hand to catch my attention. "Besty, where do you think you're going?" she shouted on the mic, filling everybody's eardrums with her usual high-pitched voice.

"I have to pee!" I shouted back.

She threw a thumbs up and I chuckled. "Better be back, Lexis baby. You're taking me home later!" she said. I rolled my eyes. Right, what’s new? That had always been my role since high school.

There were about ten people inside that karaoke room. All of them were part of Kelly's high school squad while I was just�"as what I've said earlier�"dragged out of here; a total outcast. I wasn't supposed to be here but Kelly’s bribery of 2000 pesos in exchange for my presence was a temptation. And besides, I also agreed because her parents were too strict. We both knew that they will definitely not allow her to go out without me. What else would you expect? Kelly Verzosa came from a well-to-do family in our town and her parents were devout Catholic. Even at 22, Kelly still had to ask permission wherever she went. Her parents got to decide for her, so, I became the best friend who would always be willing to cover up for her when she wanted to act as a rebel child.

Not that I was also like the other teenagers who were free to do whatever they liked. I also had some shares of complications, but my parents never choked me with forced decisions. In fact, at 22, they thought I was already old enough to know between right and wrong. But being the extended Filipino family that we were, I wasn’t allowed to separate from them. And so, I still had to live under my parents’ roof as long as I remained unmarried.

"Hey, Alexis."

My thoughts were disturbed when a girl with a curvaceous body approached my direction. I smiled at her and recalled her as Abigail. I supposed she was the birthday girl so I also greeted her.

"Thanks, Alexis. It's good that you're here. It’s been a while already. By the way, we're about to play a game tonight. It'll be fun!"

"Oh, wow," I heard myself replied with sarcasm. A game? Seriously?

"Yeah, don't miss it! Where are you going anyway?" she asked as she played with her curly tips.

"I need to pee."

"Oh, the comfort room is on the first floor of this building. We're on the second floor right now. Will you be okay?"

I gave her another polite smile and said, “I know where to go, Abigail. Don't worry." She then nodded her head and walked towards Marky, one of our transgender friends. He was frantic when Abigail unexpectedly sat on his lap and everybody just started teasing them. I lightly shook my head and scoffed. I guess they hadn't changed even after all these years.

I decided to continue walking and relief flooded my system when I reached the door. Finally, I stepped out in the open. I immediately filled my lungs with fresh air because the atmosphere inside was horrible. Aside from the smell of hard liquor, the whole place also smelled like an air-conditioned bus. I felt like I’m about to have a terrible migraine after this.

I held onto the railings as I was about to step down the stairs leading to the first floor of this commercial building. It’s just 2 in the afternoon but the air seemed cool enough to ease my drunkenness. And it was May, a summer month in our country yet it was surprisingly breezy that afternoon. But that didn’t help in stopping my bladder from screaming inside of me. I half-jogged towards the comfort room and felt clumsy as I bumped into two elderly who were talking just outside the CR’s door. “Bad stomach?” asked the old man wearing a tacky sweatshirt and straw hat. I nodded and they let me through.

There was a girl inside.

She was standing near the sink; her head’s bowed, two palms on the sink, and back was turned against me. I decided to ignore her and went directly inside an empty cubicle. I’ve always hated public comfort rooms but it wasn’t the right time to be so choosy. I had to pee, and so I did.

The moment I got out of the cubicle; the girl was still there. I noticed that she was wearing baby blue sports shorts and a black tee. Several times she raked her fingertips through her shoulder-length hair and she seemed to look not-so-fine at all.

“E�"Excuse me? Are you okay?”

She looked up and I realized I completely recognized her. I was surprised at first but eventually recovered. “You’re MJ! MJ Castillo, am I right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she replied, chuckling. “I’m sorry, do you want to wash your hands, Alexis Rosales?” she added, emphasizing my name.

“Do you mind?” I asked, chuckling.

“I don’t… go on.” She stepped aside and gave room for me. I looked upon her reflection on the mirror before us and I felt suddenly conscious when I caught her staring. “It smells like s**t here,” I joked. She laughed a little and stood beside me, snaking her arm around my shoulder.

“I vomited,” she whispered. I only replied with a laugh. I stared at her again and she did the same. A smirk was displayed on her face as she pressed me closer to her. “It’s been a while since we last saw each other, isn’t it?” she said.

I faced her as her hand slid down to my side. I looked her in the eye and replied, “Yeah, six years. What happened back there was sort of a high school reunion and as always… I was the out-of-place one.”

“A lie. I saw you talking to Vivian, Marky, and Jonas with ease. You looked close.”

I giggled. “I wasn’t close with anyone. I really felt out of place there. Those�"I mean�"you guys were never my squad. In fact, I didn’t have a squad. By the way, you look good.”

“Are you kidding me? I look fat!”

MJ had always been a skinny teenager before, but I was skinnier. The fact that she gained a lot of weight at present did well for her. It suited her.

“You don’t look bad, trust me,” I commented, “but me, oh, still skinny as ever.”

“You look good too. Do you have a work?”

I nodded. “Yes, I’m a teacher now.”

MJ’s eyes popped open and she patted me on my head. “I knew you’ll be successful.”

I only rolled my eyes but then felt glad when I felt her palm on my head. “You still remembered doing that to me.”

“What?” she asked, faking her innocence.

“That one�"you patted my head, like before.”

She chuckled as she drew me into a hug, “I guess, old habits don’t change, babe.” Admittedly, when MJ started hugging me, everything only felt casual�"until she called me by our high school endearment.

“Y�"You also remembered calling me that…”

She scoffed as we slowly peeled ourselves from the hug. “Of course! Who else would ever call me that cringy endearment? I didn’t even let my ex-girlfriends call me that! But I honestly couldn’t remember why we ended calling each other babe though… do you?”

“No,” I replied, giggling. “But I guess it was because of that stupid chain message that you used to send me before. Oh, high school was just so�"”

“Cringe,” we both said and we laughed.

That was how MJ and I found each other again. I never thought that it would happen in a public comfort room. For you see, I never approached her at the karaoke room since she was occupied. And besides, I thought she had already forgotten about me. Well, surprisingly, she didn’t! After all, we did share a rather close friendship back in high school. But the surprise didn’t end there. In fact, it just happened when we got back to that darkened and crowded karaoke room. Abigail’s game started, and like the others, MJ and I participated.

“Alexis, I dare you to make out with MJ.”

The task almost choked me dead. I never thought Truth or Dare over cold empty bottles of beer will be as nasty as it was under Abigail’s rules.

“What? Abigail, you’re crazy. I will not do that!”

“You will, Miss Alexis,” she bluntly replied with her legs crossed.

“And what makes you think so?”

“Because you’re in my game and it’s my birthday party, so… do it.”

“No! I’m not gonna be kissing anyone today! And if it would make you happier on your birthday, I would get lost from your stupid game,” I exclaimed as I stood up to stomp out of that room. But just when I thought I would’ve gotten out from the ordeal, a powerful grip took over me, forcing me to sit on somebody else’s lap.

“M�"MJ… what are you�"”

“If you won’t do this, then let me…”

It was then that I felt her warm palm at the back of my neck while the other one rested around my waist. Before I could even blink, MJ pulled me closer, and immediately, our drunken lips crash; everything stood still. I didn’t anymore hear the loud Lady Gaga music that Marky chose for the party, nor the teasing and cheering that our former classmates in high school did… but I found myself responding to her kisses. Worse, I found myself liking her kisses.

But my mind suddenly screamed a very familiar name. Gab… then the world started to move again�"in fact, it moved too quickly that I almost hurt myself when I stood up to pull away from MJ.

“S�"Stop!” I exclaimed as I looked at her in the eye. The others never stopped shouting and rooting for us but I didn’t stay long anymore. I felt Kelly tailing behind me and shouting my name, but I never looked back.

I ran away from them and out from that karaoke room. I was even crying when I hailed a cab. I wasn’t sure if that would count as cheating on my boyfriend Gab… but one thing was certain, I would never forget MJ’s soft lips against mine. Never.

And that’s how it all started. I really thought I would be able to shake the memory off�"but no… I knew that after everything that happened, I screwed up. I really did.

My name is Alexis, a girl�"and yes, I fell in love with another girl. And she was the only girl I ever loved in the most romantic sense. Her name was MJ, and this was our story.