Place the blameA Story by Tyler James MathiesonMore of a monologue than anything elseI thought it was her fault. Couldn't she see I was hurting?
Didn't she know I needed her? So what if I was distant? So what if I was about
to lose my job? Why'd she have to leave? I still loved her...even if I didn't
show it that much. Why did she say she was scared of me? I only punched one
wall! It's not like I was a monster or anything. There are just times I would get
so mad! Doesn't she know I just needed some time? It wasn’t like I could make
my dad better. It’s not like she could understand how it feels to have a loved
one dying before your eyes. She just refused to understand! I can't believe she
left me! She wouldn’t ever give me a second chance. If it weren't for her
leaving, I could be happy! I thought it was his fault. Why couldn't he just leave well
enough alone? He had told me to treat her better, but I treated her great! I
knew she trusted him, but he must have taken advantage of that! She was low,
and vulnerable. He tricked her into being with him, I know it! It wasn't that he
cared when I didn’t, he just tricked her, that's right! He traded our
friendship for a cheap fling! If it weren't for him, I know I could be happy! I thought it was their fault. They didn't even stop to
consider how it would make me feel to see the girl I loved with my best friend!
If they had just stopped to consider me and my feelings for a second I know
things would be different! I know that they are just two, selfish people who
are just out to hurt me! I know if it weren't for them, I know I could be
happy! Maybe...maybe it's not their fault. Maybe, I did change. Maybe
I wasn’t the man I thought I was. Maybe…I didn’t treat her right. Maybe she did
give me that second chance…and the third…and the fourth. Maybe I should have
tried harder at work. Maybe I would be better off if I had listened to her all
of those times she told me I needed to do better...Maybe it’s not their fault I’m
unhappy. Maybe…it's my fault. Maybe, I haven't had a date in over two
years because I have nothing to offer. Maybe this bland hate as left me nothing
more than a crippled shell of what I once was. Maybe it's not that I am just too hurt, maybe
I let myself go too much. Maybe it’s me making my unhappy… Now I know it's my fault. I should have cared more. I should
have tried harder. I should have listened to her. I should have listened to him.
Maybe it's always just been me...because now, I have no one else to blame. I
have to face what I have become. I have to admit, that everything that happened
to me...was done by my pride. It was all my fault...but now that I know that, can I change?
Is it too late for me? Or can I become the man I always wanted to be? © 2014 Tyler James Mathieson |
Stats
217 Views
Added on April 27, 2014 Last Updated on April 27, 2014 Author
|