how to disappear completely

“Mr. Wicky?”

I looked up towards the door where the nurse was standing and replied with that forced smile. My head moving upwards was enough to confirm my identity as Mr. Wicky and she went on.

“The doctor is ready to see you in his office; room 2301 at the end of the corridor - right side.”

“Thank you” I replied and shuffled along to the stale white corridor.

I knocked on the door and was greeted by a man, just a few inches short of me and he shook my hand.

“Mr. Wicky, welcome. Please take a seat.”

I hung up my coat on the back of the chair and only realised later on that there was a coat hanger carefully placed next to the door. I thought to myself “How barbaric”. He stopped me trailing off by starting the planned consultation.

“Mr. Wicky, I understand you got in touch because of how you’ve been feeling recently? Tell me about it in as much detail as you seem fitting.”

“I can put it quite simply, doctor. I would like to be treated for my condition.”

“Yes, yes, I do understand that. However, could you elaborate on your condition so that we can judge if this is something that can be done?”

“I don’t want to see them anymore. I don’t want them to see me anymore either.”

“And by 'them' you are referring to..?” He asked with a confirming tone.

“People.”

His eyes became narrow slits and his hand rested on his chin now. It was obvious he was trying to understand the reasoning behind such a request.

“And…” A long pause persisted until he broke it seconds later. “You do realise the impact of our treatment for such conditions?”

“I believe I was fully informed prior to my arrival over the hyper-line. Hence, I had made up my mind already by taking the Sky Ferry over from Dam Naber to this planet.”

“Interesting… And you do realise that this treatment is only something that is performed on criminals and humans with severe medical conditions?”

“Yes, I am very aware. I wish to start the treatment.”

“And, Mr. Wicky, I’m simply just going over the ultimate result of this treatment to make sure you are totally aware of every possible outcome, you are choosing for this even though you have no criminal record, no underlying mental conditions or anything else that could point out at this treatment being necessary to maintain stasis on our world.”

“Yes, I am totally aware. Now please, don’t lecture me on something that I have had a hand in.”

“Yes of course, Mr. Wicky, we are very aware of your contribution to our program and we do see you as one of the key persons responsible for the success and thriving of our colony here in Deep Space.” His vision turned towards his glass desk which, for a man that held so much power over other people’s lives just at his fingertips, was organised and spotless. Not a paper or a personal notepad in sight.

“We are sad to see you leave us, Mr. Wicky. I will however respect your decision, for whatever reason you might have, and as mentioned earlier over the hyper-line, will treat your treatment with utter confidentiality as per your request.” He stood up and took a deep breath.

“Please, follow me.”

 After a short trod through the corridor and passing the chair where I sat to wait on my consultation, the lady that greeted me earlier looked up from her own glass desk and nodded her head in full confirmation of what the doctor said to me. She also knew who I was and how I managed to help the colony here.

We entered a room. The walls were as if made from white steel, glossy, metallic and would ultimately have anyone feel cold after looking at it for too long. In the middle of the room stood a small table with one pill on a porcelain disk. There it lay, the beginning and the end. The success and the failure of humanity. One single pill. It almost looked like a ceremony.

“Whenever you are ready, Mr. Wicky. I will leave the room now. I am sure you understand the procedure and I don’t have to explain anything. Thank you for everything you’ve done for our people here. Have a good life.” He bowed down as a means of thanking and showing respect to me.

Before I could thank him he was already gone. I was hypnotised by this tiny black speck on a porcelain disk, with the white walls contrasting majestically against it. The room was made this way, because we had found that it made it easier for the patient to take the pill. The black speck, out of place in this space, had to be consumed in order to restore the evenness, the balance and the virginity of this whitewashed room. From the moment I entered the room, I had not moved my body a single inch. I was grounded and nailed to the floor. After all these years of devoting myself to this little black speck, I finally decided to plunge into its world, that until today, was a mystery. But the numbers weren’t lying, and its purpose was scientifically proven and unanimously backed by all the experts that were involved in its development. Countless years have been spent by my generation and the one before to finalise this project, and there it was, on the disk, ready to be consumed.

 

I stepped towards it and felt the weight of my feet clearly. My senses got numbed in this short time of thinking about the origins of the pill. But I did not want to hesitate any longer, I wanted to get it over and done with and so I did. I took it in my hand and placed it on my tongue, as such was the protocol.

This was the protocol. This was the way. Slowly, the capsule started dissolving on my tongue and I closed my eyes. The ambient air of the room slowly disappeared, and I felt breathless for an instant.

I knew it was done.

I knew that this was the beginning and the end.