bystanders at an open chest surgery

thump

            thump

 

my heart has moved

 

thump

                                    thump

 

from left to right

                                    thump

                        thump

 

from right to left

 

            thump

thump

 

 

stop walking so loud

I can hear each step you make

 

stop talking so loud

I can hear every word you say

 

thump

            thump

                       

thump

                                    thump

 

now it’s jammed

on the right side ?

 

stop walking so loud

stop talking so loud

 

                        thump

                        thump

 

                        thump

                        thump

 

is the right side right

is the left what’s real

 

are there two

or is there one

 

                        thump

thump

                        thump

thump

                        thump

thu…

Reviews

[Sarah Khalil]

Your rhythm is killing me! It's nearly musical - the image of a heart beating like a drum is taken to a whole new level here. Mysterious, creative, and one of the most captivating poem I've read in a while. Your words scattered, lowercase, everything spaced out, left and right, the form of the poem a physical manifestation of the words. I think it would be more appropriate to keep the "I"s lowercase to keep with everything else, and add to the sense of spaciness, but at the same time I get where you've gone with it, because this is the bystander here, and the bystander is really the only sure thing here, the only proper thing. But then again - bystanders in what form? Must it be human, must it be in need of a proper noun? Does one necessarily mean the other? And since there are a number of bystanders, perhaps downgrading the proper noun to a lowercase would add to the sense of the number, the mumbled questions, the slight confusion.

The plot thickens! ;)

[plainme]

Yet again, just like all my other poems, they come from an image, and the bystanders in this case are humans, people around us, people who know us, and they see us following our heart that just hasn't made up its mind yet. I thought of something like that, its funny, cause I wrote this poem when I had a bad pain on the right side of my chest, and I thought, hey, what if my heart is jumping back and forth? But I really enjoy reading your views on my poems! They really make my day! Thank you very much, Sarah!

[Inda]

This is fantastic and the sounds are in my head! Great job!

[plainme]

Thank you, Inda! I appreciate you reading my poems and reviewing them a lot!