tsss

Heads abuzz
A fly catches a syncopation
Of the hi-hat, tsss
Sizzles like twists on the straw
You sip. The dance begins
To spin out of smoke
Blown blue by red lips

Heads abuzz
And I'm thinking
This floor is slithering, tsss
So I'll slide too
Excuse me, miss
Your gravity's showing...
Loosen your hips

Heads abuzz
Man I'm blitzed
Quitting like drops in the drinks
You mix. A fly dies
In perfect tempo, buzzing
Infected egos all cool
Blown blue by red lips

Reviews

[TLK]

You tie the sibilant consonance in with the cymbals 'tss'. First stanza: we are in a jazz club. Is it the Prohibition-era? It might well be.

Second stanza: wonderful metaphor for telling a female dancer to loosen up (subtext: let's make baby gravy together).

Third stanza: the whole situation has collapsed down to the internal/mental level. Interesting use of hard sounds - z's and sibiliance following consonance rather than the th's and sl's of the previous stanza. It gives the stanza a different feel while using the same weaponry.

This really took me somewhere.