prologue

There a little orphanage in border village and town near the forest. the orphanage look like an old building that have 3 floors and comfort to stay. the building is little higher to avoid flooding due to heavy rains that often occur in this area. so, there a stair in front of the door.

There's a girl that is sitting on a stair in front the door, her name is Hanii. She had semi brown and gold hair and she had beautiful brown eyes. She is nine years old, her zodiac sign is a leo and she has a charm around her neck that has the leo sign. Hanii is an exceptionally talented girl, not only is she smart but also a master in Karate and being a leader seems to come naturally for her. But the problem, she is too quiet and too mature at her age.

The bell rings, signaling that it's lunch time. Hanii gets into the kitchen, she gets her lunch, including a drink. She walks into the dining room, where almost all the other kids are already eating and talking. She goes to her chair, pulls it out and sits, and begins the daily routine of eating slowly, but at the same time, quickly, last thing she does is opens the warm water bottle sitting on the corner of her tray. 

She quickly runs to her room after she finishes her meal, still clutching her water bottle. She changes into her practice clothing so she can go to the woods behind the orphanage and work hard on her martial arts. 

When she reaches the forest, however, she hears rumbling. Curious as to where the sound came from she follows the odd noise. She stops at two men, fighting, with an odd power, known as the power of Rune. Hanii was standing by in amazement, when one of the men gets hurt badly, this is when Hanii stops being dazzled by the so-called-fictional power.

The attacker escapes, but Hanii doesn't care. She runs to help the man, but just as he is about to die he thanks Hanii by giving his power to her. 

Hanii doesn't realize by that power she will become other people.

Author's Note

i have trouble with grammar, so if you found mistakes, please tell me.
this is my first book..
btw thanks to fix my grammar..
enjoy it~

Reviews

[A.C. Davis]

Interesting, I like that she is a master in karate!

[Irvette Dauphine]

thanks~

[FrancescaX]

my sign is a leo too. i like Hanii. reminds me of someone i know. you are really good with suspense. very impressive

[Irvette Dauphine]

thanks~

[Zeph]

This is a very nice prologue and it makes me want to read more, found some grammatical problems, otherwise well written :)
And I didn't quite understand the last sentence
''Hanii doesn't realize by that power she will become other people.''

[Irvette Dauphine]

sorry about the grammar
yea.. you'll know it if you check my blog :)

[Knight in Armor]

This is an interesting idea. However, in the first sentence, "There a little orphanage in border village and town near the forest," the word "is" is missing. In the second sentence, "the orphanage look like an old building that have 3 floors and comfort to stay", the word "look" should be "looks" and the word "have" should be "has".

[Irvette Dauphine]

oh yes, i'll fix it later..
thanks~

[Admiral Kirk]

The tense fluctuates a bit, but the errors aren't huge. Great job, this sounds very interesting. :)

[icerhex]

Wow, this is really exciting! A few mistakes and odd words but it doesnt take away too much at all, and I'm looking forward to reading more :D

[Irvette Dauphine]

thanks~

[KennaLovesJake]

OK! I need you to know that I'm not here to bash on your story or your grammar skills or anything. I just want you to know what I think should and/or shouldn't be changed, alright? Please don't get upset by what I say, as I do not mean it as an insult. :)
Well, I'll start off with your grammatical mistakes. :)
FIRST PARAGRAPH:
On the second sentence, you need to capitalize "The", which is the first word in the sentence.
On the third sentence, you need to capitalize "The", which is the first word in the sentence.
On The last sentence, you need to capitalize "So", which is the first word in the sentence.
(Basically, just remember to capitalize the first word in every sentence you right, alright?)

SECOND PARAGRAPH
The first sentence is a comma splice sentence. I think what you should do it just a put a semicolon (This thing -->; ) where the comma is, and you'll be good. :)
The second sentence is also a run-on. You see where the second and is? Put a comma before it and after the word "hair".
The third is another run-on sentence. You need to put a comma before the and and after the word "leo".
The four is, yet, another run-on sentence. :) After the word "girl" in that sentence, put a period there and end that sentence. Then capitalize the word "not". Put a comma before the word "and" and after the word "Karate".

THIRD PARAGRAPH
The second sentence is a comma splice. I think you should put a comma after the word 'kitchen,'. Leave the comma, too.
The third sentence is also a comma splice. Take out the comma in that sentence that is right before where, and you should be good.

OK! I just ran out of time, so I am going to give you a quick review about the story itself. :)

This story was quite interesting. You have a good start, but I must say, you moved fast.
I think you could add some more description to it as well, but other than that, this story was really good.
:)
I have to go now because I have to clean my room, but if you would like me to finish the grammar stuff on the last three or four paragraphs, let me know, and I'll do it!

[Irvette Dauphine]

wow.. thank you very much then..
i glad you tell me it with you that ran out time..
i know i moved fast in the prologue, because i think this is where the story happen..

[Irvette Dauphine]

btw, i always welcome to everyone that give tell me want i mistaken and fix that.. ^_^

[Irvette Dauphine]

*that tell me what i mistaken

[KennaLovesJake]

OK, good. I'm glad.
I just thought that my review may have been a little harsh.
And I can understand it moving fast. I like my books to move fast, too.
I just thought you should know just in case you don't want it to move fast and all.
:)

[Irvette Dauphine]

there so may review like what you write in my book.. :)
and i glad you like my writing ^_^

[KennaLovesJake]

Yes, I loved your writing.
It was simply amazing.
:) And I can understand that.

[astronaut]

This is very good, and it seems like a good start. I'm sure it will be nice when it is completed. You're very good with describing the main character and creating a realistic atmosphere. "Hanii doesn't realized by that power she will become other people" might be "Hanii doesn't realize by that power she will become other people"? It's wording is a bit weird. But good job and I'm sure this work will go far. Keep writing, you have great potential as an author and poet and you should definitely write more fiction. Great job and keep writing! :)

[Irvette Dauphine]

okay, i'll fix it..
thanks~

[ewest1220]

You've kind of hybrided 1st and 3rd person perspective which is an interesting change of pace. Be careful though because in some spots where you coud've really grabbed me (ex. the second to last paragraph) you lost me. "The attacker escapes," is to general, what did he do to escape? That being said I love the idea and where you're headed with this work. I think it could be something really great!

[Irvette Dauphine]

hey hey, this is prologue..
but thanks, i'll fix it at chapter 1

[ewest1220]

true but the prologue should make me anxious to read the book :) Like I said though it is quite good and I love where you're going with this piece!

[Irvette Dauphine]

okay.. i'll do my best to make this books better :D

[ewest1220]

Sweet! Just let me know if you need any help

[Irvette Dauphine]

honestly, i need so much help to fix my grammar.. :P

[ewest1220]

lol this site is great for that!

[Irvette Dauphine]

yea.. that why i am here.. :)

[Aurora .I.]

:D EXCITING!!!!!!!

[Irvette Dauphine]

thanks~ :D